Chapter Twenty-Five
From: Keegan Baldwin [email protected]
To: Luna Oliver [email protected]
Date: November 15
I can’t wait for you and your family to be here for Thanksgiving. Not that I’m keeping track, but I haven’t seen you in nearly three years. I’ve been mapping out all the places I want to take you. I know you’ve been here once, but never when I’ve been here.
From: Luna Oliver [email protected]
From: Keegan Baldwin [email protected]
Date: November 16
You are going to hate me, but there’s been a change of plans. This new guy I’m dating asked me to go to Chicago to meet his family. (Which feels soon, but I’m going with it) I know it’s been forever. Sorry, Keegan. But I know you understand.
Tonight, I get ready for my date with Keegan alone. Myles and Raven are both working a twenty-four-hour shift and won’t get off work until eight in the morning tomorrow. And I’ll be starting my shift shortly after. Sometimes our hours align, and sometimes, they are so polar opposite, that I forget I have roommates.
I texted Keegan earlier in the day to ask about attire. He suggested I dress up a little, so I pull out my reliable little black dress and finish the look with strappy heels.
I’ve had this dress forever. It’s got cap sleeves with a deep V. It’s short and has a zipper down the back. I do a nude lip, glance at myself one more time, and then wait for Keegan. There’s a knock at my door, and I hate that my building doesn’t have a doorman. I open it, and Keegan stands there. His mouth falls ajar as his eyes take me in.
“You look”—he squeezes his neck, which has flushed with color—“beautiful, Luna.”
I grab my purse from the counter and peel my gaze off Keegan. Because damn, he looks beautiful too. He wears dark-fitted pants, with a button-down shirt and a blazer, and my heart palpitates in my chest.
“Where are we going, anyway?” I ask when we reach the elevator.
“First, dinner.” Half of Keegan’s lips turn up in a smile as he places his hand on the small of my back. “After that is a surprise.”
We take a car to a Japanese restaurant in Midtown. It’s only been open for a short time, and I haven’t even tried to get in because I’ve heard it’s impossible. I only know this because I overheard a patient I was treating mention it to her friend.
“We’re having dinner here?” I practically whisper as I wrap my arm in his. “I’ve heard it’s amazing.”
Keegan and I are seated, and he starts ordering us things. A bottle of Sake, Edamame, Ikura Hummus, Sashimi Moriawase, Toro Tartare, and Koji Shrimp. At some point, I quit paying attention, because I don’t know what half of it even means.
“Have you been here?” I cross my legs and fiddle with my hands.
“No.” Keegan places his elbows on the table. “I’ve always wanted to though. I was waiting for a special occasion.”
“You don’t need to do this for me, you know.” I uncross and recross my legs. “Takeout would have been perfectly fine for me.”
The sake arrives, and our server pours us both a glass. Keegan raises his glass. “It’s our first date,” he says with a smile. “I wanted it to be memorable.”
“Does this mean you’re going to let me pay for half?” I smile and bite my bottom lip.
“How about you buy the dessert.” The corners of Keegan’s lips turn up.
We leave the restaurant, my stomach happy and full, and walk to the Broadway District.
“Wait. Are we going to a show?” I ask, pulling Keegan toward me.
He looks at me and smiles. “You mentioned once that you’ve never been, and that you’d like to see one.”
“But, Keegan.” I pull at his arm again. The sign overhead lets me know what we’re seeing. “You’re taking me to a Broadway show? On our first date? Where do we even go from here?”
He puts his hand on the small of my back as he leads me through the door. He leans in and whispers in my ear. “When we’re old and wrinkly, we’ll always remember tonight.”
I glance at Keegan through the corner of my eye, wondering where we’ll both be in thirty or forty years and if, I’ll still know him and remember tonight. His comment is presumptuous but somehow carries no arrogance.
We take our seats, and it’s only a few rows from the front, in the very center.
“Have you been to a show before?” I lean over and ask, just as the lights start to dim.
“Yes.” He intertwines his fingers in mine and places our hands on my leg. “But never with you. So, it feels like my first time.”
A hush falls over the crowd, and slowly, a red curtain opens, and the first song comes on. Emotions wash over me in ways that I wasn’t expecting. The tightness starts in my chest, and I’m so happy it’s dark because tears start rolling down my cheeks. Because I am among the most amazing talents, seeing one of the best plays in the world, and the voices are beautiful, and the lyrics are powerful. And somehow, I’m in New York City, I’m a doctor, and I feel like, in so many ways, the life I’ve manifested for myself is happening.
One of the things I’ve never bent on is where I wanted life to take me. I was young when I created a five-step plan for myself, and I’ve made it this far and not let anything, or anyone, get in the way of my dreams. I’m proud of myself for that.
I cross my legs and lean in Keegan’s direction, and he holds my hand tight in his. I’m aware of his presence and his thumb that circles my knee and runs up my leg until it meets the hem of my dress. I’ve never felt so comfortable with anyone on a first date, but after all, this is Keegan, and I’ve known him my entire life.
I’m also transported somewhere entirely different. When the final curtain goes down, and the lights are turned back on, I pull my hand out of Keegan’s and clap along with everyone else. The actors all take a bow, and we stand and clap some more. When I look at Keegan, he stares at me, a goofy grin on his face.
People pool onto the street after the show. And we walk, with no destination in mind, but in the general direction of my apartment. We stay silent for so long, and I wipe my remaining tears from my eyes. After seeing something so beautiful, no words seem sufficient.
“Luna.” Keegan’s shoulder rubs against mine, and he looks at me. “Watching you watch theater might be the best thing I’ve ever done. Ever.”
“There aren’t adequate words,” I say because there aren’t. Seeing this play changed me. It transcended anything I could have imagined or hoped for.
I’m reminded of how the arts can transport us. I’ve been so busy trying to be a good doctor, that I haven’t escaped in so long. But tonight, I felt somewhere else. The farther Keegan and I walk, the less people surround us. We leave Midtown and cut through Central Park, and the city lights seem to disappear.
“You’re so quiet.” Keegan grabs my hand and brushes his lips across my knuckles. “Are you okay?”
I look up at the sky and can see a few stars. That’s what I’ve missed most in the city. Because back home in Minnesota, I could see the entire galaxy. Venus was always directly above me in the night sky.
“Something feels heavy to me,” I say.
Keegan grips my hand tighter. “Are you second-guessing going on a date with me?”
“No, it’s not that,” I say quickly. “Since being a doctor, I have seen twenty-seven people die.”
Keegan stops walking and pulls me to him. He places his hands on my face. “Do you know how many lives you’ve saved?”
I shake my head. “I haven’t counted those.”
He leans forward and gently brushes his lips against mine. It’s a featherweight touch. He pulls away and cups my face. “Remember that day you came into my office?”
“The day I accidentally kissed you? No, I’ve blocked that out.”
Keegan laughs. “Well, I had a similar breakdown in week two of my internship year. I was doing a pediatric ER rotation, and three young kids, one still a baby, were brought in with fatal gunshot wounds. Their mom had a psychiatric episode and murdered them. When the dad arrived in the ER, I had to tell him all three of his babies were gone.”
“Keegan,” I say, gripping his hand tighter.
“After my shift, I somehow made it back to my apartment, and I closed the door and cried for hours. I even started typing up my resignation letter. I was done, Luna. I didn’t think I could do it.”
“What changed?”
“Your brother called me to chat,” Keegan says. “I tried to play it off like I was fine, but he knew better. He said that instead of focusing on the things I couldn’t change, like saving those three babies, I should think about how I can be the most compassionate doctor in how I interact with others, like the dad. He told me to find a way of being someone’s light on their darkest days.”
“Forest said that?” A tear runs down my cheek. I wipe it away and chuckle. “That kind of wisdom came from him, huh?”
“That’s probably why I love the moon so much. It’s my light during dark times,” Keegan says. “And I’m sorry if I didn’t provide the right words to you that day.”
“Well,” I say, “the kiss may have derailed the rest of our interaction.”
“The truth is.” Keegan squeezes my hand. The moon above us illuminates Keegan and he looks like he’s glowing. “I wanted to kiss you too.”
“Really?” I shake my head. “You don’t have to say that to make me feel better.”
“I don’t want to be a temporary distraction to make you forget. I want to be your light too. And I didn’t want to question if our first kiss was just to transport you. I wanted to know that you wanted me. The same way that I want you.”
“I. . .” I stop talking, unable to form the appropriate words. Keegan wants me. Has he always wanted me?
Keegan pulls me toward him and wraps his arms around me. “We are going to see some of the worst things that life has to offer. Being doctors, we sign up for it. But I’m going to be compassionate, empathetic, and whatever the outcome is for my patients or their families, I’m going to be someone they remember that made them feel a little better during the worst day of their lives.”
“You have muscles, aren’t boring, or gross, and you’re really wise,” I say, and Keegan laughs. Our conversation teeters so much on truths, that I have to provide levity.
We exit Central Park, and things start to get familiar to me and I recognize where we are. But like every other night I’m with Keegan, I don’t want it to end. My building finally comes into view. And my feet should hurt, but they don’t. Instead, I feel this release of euphoria. From the play. From Keegan. From everything. We stop in front of my building.
Keegan looks at me, searching my face for something. He glances at the building. “If it’s not too late, should we go down the block to that twenty-four-seven ice cream shop? I could go for something sweet, and you promised me dessert.”
“The Icy New Yorker?” I glance down at the street. “Because I happen to have ice cream from there in my freezer.”
Keegan pauses. But I push forward. Because tonight made me feel brave. Tonight, I’m going to carve out my piece of happiness. I stand on my toes and kiss his jawline. Keegan sucks in a deep breath and holds it.
“Do you want to come up?” I may sound confident, but I’m shaking inside.
Keegan opens his mouth, but before he can say anything, I add, “Raven and Myles are on call. All night.”
“Luna.” His voice sounds hoarse all of a sudden. “I can’t believe I’m saying this to you, but we should probably take things slow.”
I grasp Keegan’s waist and pull him toward me. “Let’s go slow then.” I take his hand and nod toward the door.
Keegan hesitates, but only for a moment, and then he follows me inside. We get into the elevator, stand on opposite sides, and take the ride up. I want to tell him that it’s just ice cream, but I’m hoping it’s going to be much more than that.