Chapter Thirty-Two
Two days later, I’m awoken by pounding at the door. Myles and Raven both peek out of their rooms, and we all shrug and walk to the door. None of us were expecting anyone, especially at this hour. I throw the door open, and Forest stands on the other side.
“Did you get Mom’s text?” Forest walks into the apartment.
Forest hasn’t talked to me in days, and my heart speeds up, my mind going to a million different things that could be wrong—things bad enough for Forest to break his silent treatment.
“I was sleeping. My phone’s been on silent.” I pick up my phone that is on the counter. “Nevermind. It’s dead. What’s going on?”
Forest glances at Raven. She goes back to her room, and Myles goes back to his. He then follows me.
“It’s Keegan’s mom.” Forest puts his hand over his mouth and shakes his head. “She’s dead.”
“What?” All the air in me escapes. I get dizzy, sit on my bed, and put my head in my hands.
“They found her body in the river.” Forest sits next to me and wipes his damp face with the back of his hand. “Mom called me first thing this morning, and she’s been trying to reach you as well.”
“Have you called Keegan?” A dam breaks inside of me, and a sob escapes me. “He’s in Chicago. All alone.”
Forest presses his palms into his eyes. “I’ve called at least fifty times, and it goes to voicemail each time.”
“Is everything alright?” Raven peers through the doorway.
“No.” I grab a bag out of my closet and start throwing clothes in it. I rush to the bathroom and grab all of my toiletries.
“Raven, can you let Dr. Parse know that I’ll be gone for a couple of days? Family emergency. Maybe you guys could pick up a couple of shifts, or—”
“Luna.” Forest grabs my arm. “You don’t have the time off.”
“He’s all alone, Forest.” I look at Raven, and she comes and wraps her arms around my waist. “We are literally the only family he has.”
“Keegan’s mom passed away,” Forest says, glancing at Raven.
“Don’t worry about anything but getting to Keegan.” Raven hugs me tighter. “We’ll make sure you’re covered.”
Forest puts his face in his hands.
“I hope you’re getting your ass to Minnesota too,” I say. “We don’t deserve him, Forest. We’ve been horrible.”
“Luna, please.” Forest pinches the bridge of his nose.
“I’m not wrong.” I throw a sweatshirt over my shirt. “You say he’s your best friend. Your brother. And Keegan has always been there for you. Always. But the minute he does something that you don’t like, you take your love away. And I’m no better.”
“You really want to do this now?” Tears stream down Forest’s cheeks. “I’m hurt. The thought of you two having this secret behind my back. The fact that neither of you trusted me enough. I will always be there for Keegan. But damn it, Luna. You should have told me.”
But I wave him away. “We’re all he has.”
“I was mad.” Forest starts pacing. “Don’t act like this is all on me.”
“Here.” Raven shows us her phone. There’s a flight to Minnesota at eleven. But you guys’ better book it now.”
Forest sits at the foot of my bed, looking at flights on his phone. I do the same and lock in the next flight.
“Booked,” I say, quietly.
“Booked.” Forest stands. “I need to run home and pack. I’ll see you at the airport.”
I arrive at the gate as it’s boarding. I don’t see Forest anywhere, but when I get on the plane, he’s already sitting in first class. I walk to the back of the plane with the majority of the people. But when I go by Forest, he grabs my arm.
“I rented a car. I’ll meet you outside the gate.”
“Okay.”
When I get to my seat, I try to call Keegan one more time, but again, it goes to voicemail.
*****
We land in Minneapolis, and Forest and I navigate our way to the car rental terminal and brace ourselves for the car ride ahead of us. I don’t know if Keegan’s phone is dead or he’s blocked my number, but I’ve called more than twenty times, and each time, his low, husky voice comes on, saying to leave a message.
Forest and I don’t speak as he navigates through the Twin Cities traffic. When the road finally opens up, he lets out an audible breath.
“I know I haven’t exactly acted like the model big brother.” He glances at me sidewards. “But are we going to talk about this? I mean, really talk about this?”
Forest and I have gone through life getting along for the most part. But he’s never opened up to me, nor have I to him. We’ve kept things superficial and focused on the quantity of our interactions instead of the quality of our relationship. Our dad doesn’t talk about feelings much either, but my mom has always been open about these things. I don’t know where our lack of vulnerability stems from.
“You know when we created that stupid rule about not dating each other’s friends?” I blow out a breath. “It was because you were young and reckless, and I knew my friends were going to fall for you and you were looking for nothing but a good time.”
“It took me a minute to accept you and Raven, but you aren’t the same guy you were eight years ago and I know you actually liked her so I got on board with it. Almost immediately.” I move my foot to the dash.
Forest grips the steering wheel with a new level of intensity. “You act like I’ve been the only reckless one, but you and I are more alike than you care to acknowledge. I didn’t make that pact just for me, Luna. I knew my friends would be interested in you, and I also knew that no man that was in my orbit would ever be good enough to fit into your five-point plan.”
Graduate top of my class in high school. Finish my pre-med degree in the top tenth of my class. Get into a top Medical School. Graduate with Latin honors. Get into a top general surgery residency program. Complete a fellowship in trauma surgery.
“Then why were you willing to introduce me to your colleague Matt?”
“Because I don’t care about him,” Forest says.
“Of all the people though, Luna. Keegan? My Keegan?” Forest says. “I wouldn’t care if it was any other friend. But Keegan.”
“Trust me, I know,” I say. “I was as surprised as anyone. I know you think I’m reckless, immature, and not ready for a relationship. But I didn’t enter into this thing with him lightly.”
Forest barks out a laugh as he wipes his eye with the back of his hand. Crying and laughing are two sides of the same coin, as are pain and joy.
“I’ve never thought of Keegan that way,” I say, sniffling. “But from almost the moment I saw him this summer, something had shifted. I tried to ignore these feelings and push them down. But I couldn’t.”
Forest turns the air up in the car and blows out a breath. “When did it start?”
“Do you really want to know?”
“Yes and no.” Forest shakes his head.
“Partly, from the moment I arrived in the city.” I drag my hand over my chest, remembering. “Things were charged between us. At least I felt it. It was like I was seeing him for the first time through new eyes.”
A tear falls from my eye as I remember the beginning, which wasn’t that long ago. “And then one day, I was having a terrible day at work. I went to look for you and couldn’t find you, but found Keegan instead, and without thinking, I kissed him.”
I start laughing through my tears. “But he just stood there, frozen. He didn’t kiss me back. Partly because he didn’t want to take advantage of me. But probably mostly because of how much he loves you.”
“Luna, I’m trying here. I am.” Forest taps his chest.
Forest takes the exit, and now we’re off the main highway as we continue to drive northeast. “When I spent the night at his place when he was so sick—”
“Something happened then?” Forest interrupts me, jerking his head in my direction.
I decide to leave out the part about Keegan coming into my room during our weekend in Montauk. Our first real kiss. I feel like that’s just for the two of us—dare or not.
“No,” I say immediately. “But it’s when I realized he was probably the best friend I had. Until that moment, he was always my brother’s best friend. But now he felt like mine too.”
Forest doesn’t speak for a while, as the plains around us turn into an expansive forest. The blacktop underneath our rental car is the only sound I hear.
“Are you in love with him?” Forest asks me, resting his elbow on the middle console.
I leave out the part that perhaps this all started for me eight years ago too. Through the emails we’d send each other, and the help he’d give me during my math-heavy classes. Keegan has always been an integral person in my life, even if I’m only realizing it more recently.
“What does that even mean?” I close my eyes and feel the sun on my face through the window. “Does this painful ache and emptiness in my chest mean I’m in love with him? Or the fact that life feels dull without him around. Or is it the self-hate I feel being part of the reason that he’s sad?”
“This isn’t going to make sense to you, Luna.” Forest pinches the bridge of his nose again. “You and Keegan are the two closest people to me in the entire world. If this doesn’t work out, what happens? And if it does work out, then what the hell is my role? But I know Keegan. He’s a love-you-for-life kind of guy. Are you sure you’re ready to be in that serious of a relationship? Cause you’ve never been in one before.”
“I can’t sit here and make promises that I’m not sure I can keep,” I say. “But I also don’t know if I can be with him if it means you two aren’t in each other’s lives.” I once again close my eyes.
Forest glances at me and lets out a long breath as the first sign of Cherry comes into view.