Chapter 16 The Morning After #2
Vee clasps my hands in hers, looking much wiser than her twenty-one years.
“There was nothing you could have done, Emma. If you were there, I would have just done it when we went to bed. It’s been building for a while, and I knew there was no stopping it.
It’s like watching a movie I already know the ending to.
I can only pause the movie to delay the inevitable for so long.
I can’t keep pushing pause forever; the ending is eventually going to come. The ending came last night.”
I sit down on the edge of the bed. “You seemed okay to me. I mean, some days you couldn’t do your sun salutations but other than that—”
Vee smiles thinly. “It’s all a bit of a show. I can put up a good front—until I can’t.”
I sniffle. This is all my fault. I should have been able to see the pain Vee was in.
Why couldn’t I see it? That was my one job.
I got caught up in living my life and forgot I wasn’t the only player in this little story, and, in fact, I was a nobody in this story.
How could I have failed so miserably? Probably this is why Jake was so sickened after having sex with me.
He remembered this was all my fault. God, he probably thinks I deceived him into sex when he was distraught and not thinking clearly.
Maybe I did. It is what I’ve wanted. When did I become so self-centered?
I don’t blame Jake for being unable to look at me this morning.
I make myself sick, too. The weight of the Jablonski’s sacrifices suffocates me, pinning me to the mattress, constricting my breath.
What an embarrassment to the family name.
Vee is silently watching me, letting me run through my internal gyrations.
A tear escapes from my eye, and I brush it away. “I’m so sorry.” I’m not sure if I’m talking to Vee or all my dead ancestors.
Vee is the only one that answers. “I told you; this is not your fault. Don’t blame yourself for a minute.
Our time together is what has made life bearable lately and that is why I lasted as long as I did.
I just can’t seem to find meaning in life without drinking or doing drugs, and I really need to figure out why or else this is going to keep happening. I
need to get off this merry-go-round once and for all. So,
I decided this morning, I’m going home for a while. Jackson has a great rehab place, close to home. I need to fix things with my mom and get my issues out on the table. I’m tired of hiding everything.”
“Wow,” I say, trying to take in all this new information. “Okay. What can I do to help?”
Vee laughs. “Well, first you need to tell me what the heck happened last night. Jake is very cagey about, well, everything. And now that I really look at you, you look guilty and weird, too. Or, as my momma would say, ‘You look as nervous as a cat in a room full of rockers.’”
Shaking my head in confusion at the expression, my cheeks burn, and I look down at my hands in my lap, clenched into tight fists.
Vee takes my chin in her hand and raises my face to look at her.
I meet her eyes and try valiantly to keep my features calm, but my blush deepens, and I drop my eyes.
I know I’m wearing my emotions on my sleeve again, but I can’t mask the hurt and embarrassment of this morning.
Holding her gaze steady, she let out a loud, “No way.”
I cover my face with my hands, even more embarrassed, if that’s possible. Vee gently takes my hands away and says softly, “Come on, Emma. It can’t be that awful. If it’s what I’m guessing, it’s good news.”
Shaking my head, I don’t look up.
“Emma, come on,” she whispers. “I’m piecing together that something happened between y’all. Tell me what happened, and I can let you know if it is really anything you need to repent to your God.” Vee pleads.
Looking up at Vee in surprise, more guilt washes over me. How did I forget about the huge sin I committed? I make the sign of the cross, wondering why I haven’t been struck by lightning yet. I must go to church this Sunday and make reparations.
“Okay, did you have sex?” Vee smiles tentatively, “That’s really okay.”
“He didn’t like it and got mad because I was a virgin,” I whisper. “It was awful—I mean it wasn’t awful, at least I didn’t think it was. I thought it was great, but this morning was awful.”
Taking my hands in hers, Vee rubs them absentmindedly.
“This is cool. So cool. I can’t believe Jake is angry at you.
He didn’t seem angry when we just talked.
He did seem weird and off, but not angry.
” She squeezes my hands. “Listen. He can’t be too mad.
Wait until you hear my idea and don’t worry, he thinks it’s a great one.
Well, he may not have called it great. But give him time. You both will come to love it.”
Glancing up, I ask, “Your idea?”
“Well, you know Jake is really miserable, right? Living with Oliver and Carol. They’re really pressuring him to settle down with someone like that dead fish, Jessica.
Ugh!—and start working in the firm—double Ugh!
He just wants some peace and quiet to finish his thesis in the next three months.
Then he’s either running off to some safari or he’ll join the firm.
When you and I talked about how you were a perfect marriage candidate, it got me thinking.
I told Jake our idea the other day and—”
“What?” I spring off the bed and start pacing back and forth. My arms tightly clamped round my chest. “You didn’t! That isn’t—”
“Okay, calm down. That isn’t what I told him. I’m just messing with you.” She hits my arm playfully and gives me a smirk. “But I did tell him he should get engaged to you.”
“You didn’t,” I hiss.
“Calm down and come back and sit down.” Vee gestures toward the spot I had vacated.
I sit down as tense as an over-wound toy.
“This way, he can get the peace and quiet he needs for the next couple of months. He can move into my place with you and his parents will stop pushing that awful Jessica on him. He can finish his thesis and decide his fate in March. Jake loves the idea.”
I gape at Vee. “I don’t believe it. What are you saying?”
“What part didn’t you understand?” she retorts. “This is really your idea. Remember, after the dinner party, you asked, Why can’t Jake get engaged to me?”
I blush ferociously and sputter, “That is not what I said. I said it couldn’t be me.”
Vee laughs—this time it is a full snort—and wraps her arm around my shoulders.
“I’m just teasing ya. I know you didn’t say that.
It’s just that you always talk about trying to live a little or a lot until March.
I have no idea why March, but it fits perfectly with Jake’s plans.
In four months, he is either throwing off the shackles of his family or he’ll join and die a slow death at Henderson Investment.
Either way, he needs the next four months of no pressure from his parents and no fix-ups with Jessica or any other Jessica sort.
So, a pretend engagement will work perfectly for both of you.
I did say it would be a pretend engagement, right?
This way he finishes his thesis, and you don’t have to move back home yet. It is like it was meant to be.”
I stand and start pacing. I’m speechless.
It sounds almost reasonable when Vee describes it, but it’s the craziest, stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.
I open my mouth and then close it again.
I can’t believe after last night and this morning, Jake would agree to any such thing.
A fake engagement. That only happens in my romance books I read sometimes.
I chew my lip. He hated me this morning. Nothing makes sense.
Vee rushes on, “And I know you are religious and all that—an engagement these days makes it okay with the church, right? They’ve moved into the twenty-first century, right?”
I shake my head.
“Really!” Vee insists. “Come on, an engagement does the trick.”
“Not a fake engagement,” I shoot back.
“Put that right out of your mind. No one knows if it’s real or not.” She nods vigorously. “Yes, go with that. It is real, because who knows what can happen?”
I respond indignantly, “God knows. But even if he is okay with it, I can’t believe Jake would go along with this. Not after . . .” I trail off, unable to speak the words.
Vee pats my hand. “Let me talk to him and see what I can figure out. Guys can be really weird about the whole virgin thing. He seemed fine with the plan when we talked, but I’ll make sure it isn’t going to be a problem.
When I came up with my plan, I figured you guys would just continue to be good friends.
Of course, I had my hopes . . . but this new wrinkle needs to be figured out.
It adds a little complexity, for sure. Give me a day or two to make sure this is as brilliant a plan as I think it is. ”
I shake my head, incredulous that I’m considering agreeing to Vee’s harebrained plan.