Chapter Fourteen
IT’S BEEN OVERa week since the silent auction, and today is the first day Raven has returned to the office. When I walk into her office for the first time, disappointment runs through me when I don’t find her sitting at her desk. I’m always here first, but that didn’t stop hope from forming in my chest that she might be here already.
I don’t know when I became so accustomed to having her around. I miss seeing her out of the corner of my eye around the office. I miss her presence in the hallways and her voice drifting into my office when I don’t want to be disturbed. Most of all, I miss arguing with her. The fire in her eyes and the venom in her voice. Without her blazing energy, I’m lost in the night my world has become.
It’s only been nine days since I’ve seen her. It might as well be a year, because going a day without seeing her feels like a lifetime. Each day, the uncertainty of how she’s coping has made time feel unbearably slow. It took everything in me not to reach out. So many times I sat in front of my computer typing out email after email to her, but never pressing send. I didn’t want to overstep my boundaries. I regret not saying anything. I don’t want her to think that I don’t care. Because that couldn’t be further from the truth.
Moving behind her desk, I take a seat. I set her coffee down. It isn’t the normal black coffee I normally leave for her. It’s made just the way I’ve watched her make it so many times. Two sugars and two creams. I want to be here and see the look on her face when she drinks it and finds it just right.
Her desk is spotless, and I run my hand across its black surface. My eyes move to the vase beside me. Sunflowers light up the dreary room. Everyone in the office signed the card, officially welcoming her back. But the flower choice was my own. Hopefully she won’t think it’s too much.
I won’t have to wait much longer to find out. A commotion erupts in the hallway outside her door, and I know she’s arrived. Not wanting to be too soft on her with the coffee and flowers, I lean back in her chair before placing my feet on her desk. Just a touch of my normal self to annoy her. There’s no better way in my mind to welcome her back.
“Thank so much guys. It’s good to be back.” Her voice floats down the hallway to me and I bask in it.
When she walks through the door, the breath in my lungs stops. The remnants of a cut still mars her cheek. Her long black hair is pulled into a ponytail at the back of her neck. She’s tried to cover them with makeup, but I don’t miss the dark circles that shine out from under her eyes. It looks like she hasn’t slept in days.
Her eyes land on me, and I expect them to roll at me. But they don’t.
“Good morning, Blake.”
Her voice is soft, like she doesn’t have the energy to argue with me. Regret seeps through me for not reaching out. If I could have done anything to help ease her suffering, it would have been worth it.
Slowly, I lower my feet to the floor before rising to my feet. I want to close the space between us and pull her into my arms. I want to force her to look me in the eye and tell me all the things swirling around inside her beautiful mind. I want to tell her how much it’s killed me without her this last week. But I don’t.
“Good morning, Raven.” My words feel cold on my lips compared to all the things I wish I could say to her. I step to the side and hold out the chair for her.
Amusement sparks in her eyes as she takes a step closer and notices the bouquet of sunflowers. “Where are these from? They are gorgeous.”
For the first time in days, a smile spreads across my face. Leaning in, she smells them. I can’t take my eyes off of her. She like a burst of light after days of misery. “A Lane of Flowers. Jade recommended the place.”
Her fingers slip the card from its envelope and the corner of her mouth tilts in an almost smile. It might be the only one I get to see today, so I cherish it. Holding it securely in my mind until I can coax another one from her. “I didn’t think you guys would miss me at all.”
Her words have me taking an unconscious step closer. “How could we not miss you?”
Her eyes flash to me, and I cough, realizing what I’ve just admitted. I try to mumble out something, but the smile that spreads across her face has all words falling short.
“It’s good to be back.”
Her dismissal of my admission sets off even more alarm bells. She’s never let me off for anything without at least teasing me about it. I want to confront her, but she speaks again before I have a chance.
“If I knew I’d be getting flowers, I would have come back sooner.”
If I knew the flowers could have brought her back sooner, I would have sent a dozen to her home every single day she was gone, just to draw her back sooner. “Do you like them?”
Nodding her head, she sets her bag on her desk. I lean against it, not wanting to leave just yet. A peace I didn’t know I was missing settles over me. For the first time in a week, my thoughts are still.
Stepping past me, her perfume hits me like a wave. I can’t help but inhale the scent like a man who is starving. Sitting down at her desk, she glances at the coffee cup with wary eyes. I can’t help but smile at the look on her face. “I brought you coffee.”
“I see that. Thank you, Blake. You really don’t have to do that, you know.” I can hear the insistence in her voice. She isn’t saying not to bother myself with it, like it sounds. She’s really telling me not to bring the coffee because she doesn’t like it.
“I know.” I push myself off the desk and make my way towards the door. Behind me, I feel her eyes watching me and I know she’s about to open the cup to add to its contents now that I’m not looking.
When I get to the door, I don’t leave like she expects me to. I close the door and then turn to face her. She looks up from the coffee cup, her hand still on the lid. I didn’t quite give her enough time to take it off. She’s caught, and she knows it.
“How’s your coffee?” I say the words as I eye the cup in her hand.
She glances at it before looking back up at me. “I haven’t tried it yet.”
Licking my lips, I wave a hand at her. “Go ahead.”
I stalk back over to her desk, giving her a pointed stare as I take a seat in the chair opposite her desk. Silently letting her know that I’m not leaving.
She bites her lip before taking a sip. I can see how badly she doesn’t want to drink black coffee anymore, but she doesn’t want to admit it to me either. Her shoulders tense, but the second she swallows, she relaxes. Surprise lights her face, her brows raise as she turns her gaze back to me. “It’s not black.”
I shake my head, forcing my lips into a flat line to keep from smiling. “No, it’s not.”
She raises a hand to her lips before running one finger across her lip. “How did you know?”
“I don’t know what you mean.” Folding my hands in front of me, I stare up at her with pure innocence.
“Play your little games, Emerson.”
The sound of my name playfully slipping off her tongue has a wave of nerves rolling through me. Unable to prevent it any longer, my lip tilts up in a smirk. “Oh, I will.”
Leaning back in her chair, she sighs, her eyes slip closed as she takes another drink of her coffee.
I watch her with greedy eyes, taking in every second I have with her. The longer I watch her, the more a sinking sensation fills my stomach. Something is wrong with Raven. The dark circles, the ponytail, the makeup. These things are unusual for her. I try to resist the urge to ask, but it overwhelms me until my lips part and the words spill from me. “Raven, what’s wrong?”
Her eyes snap open, a guarded expression settling over her features. Her eyes harden and she sits up a little straighter in her chair. She doesn’t want to tell me anything. Just like I knew she wouldn’t.
“Tell me what’s wrong.” My voice is gentle but stern. It leaves her no room to argue with me. I will accept nothing less than the truth and she knows it.
I can see the debate battling in her eyes over whether to tell me. On one hand, she wants to tell me, and on the other, she wants to tell me to fuck off and mind my own business. But one side clearly wins when she leans forward on her desk and places her head in her hands. “Riley left on Sunday, and I haven’t slept well since.”
Her words cling to me. They are a half truth. She isn’t telling me everything. “Why can’t you sleep?”
Even though I press her, I already know the answer. Thoughts of that day still swirl through my mind every night when I lay down to sleep. But I came to peace with what happened. Knowing she’s safe is all I need.
I don’t think she has.
All the same, I need to hear it from her. If she can’t admit to me what’s wrong, I can’t help her.
Her shoulders slump in defeat. “My thoughts won’t stop. Every night I try to sleep, but I can’t get any peace.”
My fist clenches involuntarily at my side. I should have known something was wrong. I should have checked on her sooner. She needed me, and I let her down.
Her arms fall limply against the desk extending out in front of her. If I just reach out, I could take her hand. When my gaze meets hers, I can see her walls drop for the first time. I can see how truly exhausted she really is.
The desire to stand and cross to her side of the desk almost overwhelms me.
The thought of her lying alone in bed with anxious thoughts attacking her every time she closes her eyes has me searching for a solution. Any way to ease her suffering. “You can text me if you can’t sleep.”
When she doesn’t respond, I add. “I’m probably the last person you’d want to talk to, but I’m usually up late.“
Immediately, she shakes her head. She’s not even going to consider my offer. I don’t know why I expected anything else. She’s stubborn. There’s no way in hell she’s going to make helping her easy. But that doesn’t mean I’m going to give up or stop trying.
Protectiveness swells inside me. “Promise me you’ll text me.”
Emotion stirs in her eyes, but she shakes her head. This is a line she doesn’t want to cross with me. She wants to keep everything the way it is. I can see it written clear as day on her face. “I’m not going to text you when I can’t sleep.”
Unable to resist the urge any long, I reach out and bridge the distance between us. My touch is gentle when I reach out to stop her from leaning back in her chair. She wants to put distance between us, but I need her closer, not further away. “Sunflower.”
She freezes under my touch. I expect her to pull away, but she doesn’t. She leans towards me as drawn in by me as I am by her. Emotions stir in her whiskey eyes as she stares at me, and I’m transfixed in their warm hold. Tracing my thumb over her skin in a soothing pattern, I force her to hold my gaze. “If anyone understands what you’re going through, it’s me.”
I continue the path my finger makes, and she releases a relieved sigh. I lean in a little closer. The only thing putting distance between us is the damned desk.
Her eyes close and I let myself believe that my touch is helping her. Giving her some sort of peace from the chaos happening inside her mind. The moment stretches between us, and I savor every second.
She doesn’t want to promise me anything. Not with her words. But she nods her head once, finally giving in.
That’s my girl.
Satisfaction flows through me. Not because I won my first argument with her, but because she’s letting me in. Whether she knows it or not. I see a glimmer of hope that she will let her walls fall and allow me to help her. I don’t care if it takes a year or ten years. I’ll be there with her every step of the way. She needs me, and I will not let her down.