Whirlwind Redemption

Chapter Sixteen

WITH MY FEETpropped up on my desk, I stare at my monitor with unseeing eyes. My unfinished work stares back at me, but I can’t make my eyes focus on the numbers. The spreadsheets that litter my screen remain unfinished, even though I’ve been sitting here for hours. I should have left ages ago, but I can’t find the will to move my feet and drag myself home. Not that anything is waiting there for me. There’s nothing there to call me home after a long day of work.

She’s usually texted me by now.

For months, we’ve played our game of double lives. She hates me during the day, but every night when the walls close in around her, she reaches out to me. We both know I am the last person she wants to rely on, but all the same, she does it. I am the only person who understands what she’s going through. I’m the only place she feels safe.

Even after all this time, every night is the same. She texts me when she’s laying in bed and can’t sleep. We’ll text for a while to keep up our dance, but eventually I call her. She reluctantly answers and we talk for hours.

I’ve gotten to know her better than I ever thought I would get to. She’s everything I thought she would be. Funny. Strong. Fierce. Loyal. Everything about her draws me in. She’s an unstoppable force and I am hopelessly caught in her gravity.

Everything feels different tonight. Tonight, she no longer needs me.

I know it’s a good thing. Her not texting means she’s in a better place. As the weeks have stretched into months, I can see how much better she’s doing. The dark circles under her eyes have faded away like a long forgotten nightmare. Her smiles come easier, and so does her laughter. She’s morphing into the woman she always was, but without the walls, she’s meticulously placed around herself. I’ve carefully worked to tear each one down. Even if I don’t get to reap the benefit, she does. That makes all the hard work worth it.

Sitting up in my chair, I reach into my pocket and pull out my phone. The blank screen stares back at me. Disappointment weaves with the worry already seeping through my stomach. It’s almost eleven and her bedtime was hours ago, so she must be fast asleep already. I can’t explain why her lack of texting bothers me.

It shouldn’t bother me. I know it shouldn’t, but it does.

I’ve grown to enjoy our nightly conversations more than I care to admit. Something about her anger and defensive walls drop when we are no longer at work. I get to see who she really is, and I cannot deny how much I enjoy that part of her. Even if I still resent the side of her I get at work.

Leaning back in my chair, I move my arms to support my head. I need to get some work done, but thoughts of Raven stay at the forefront of my mind. Glancing down at my phone, the urge to text her first threatens to overwhelm me, but I press it down.

If she needs me, she’ll text me. She promised me she would. And every night since that day, she’s kept her promise. Maybe tonight will be no different. I just need to be patient.

But patience is not my strong suit. It never had been and it never will be.

Forcing my attention back to my laptop, I stare at the incomplete spreadsheet. If I’m not going to go home, I might as well get some work done. It’s not like I’d be able to sleep, anyway. Not when there’s no way of knowing if Raven is okay. I push down the urge to text her once more and fix my attention on the numbers waiting for me.

Thirty more slow, agonizing minutes drag on before my phone buzzes and a sense of relief crashes through me. One text shouldn’t affect me in this way, but it does.

My stomach flips at the simplest text. Instead of pressing the swarm of emotions down, I cling to them, holding them close.

The power she holds over me is all-consuming. If this was anyone else, I would make them wait. But this is Raven, and I would never make her wait.

Staring at my screen for several minutes with no response, I almost give up hope when my phone buzzes with an incoming message.

Disappointment courses through me. Why in the world would she do that? Why wouldn’t she want to text me? I thought she was enjoying these late night sessions as much as I was. Maybe I’ve read too much into this. The elation that previously filled my chest vanishes.

Regardless, I text her back. Maybe I’m just a glutton for punishment.

I can imagine her shifting positions in her bed as she rolls her eyes at me. I can see the blood rushing to her cheeks from her anger. And the sight would be mesmerizing.

For a moment I think she won’t respond, but we both know there’s nothing Raven enjoys more than my cocky attitude.

A sly smile creeps across my face. Of course she would deny it. Her denial only makes me think that there might be some truth hiding in her rejection.

Several minutes pass, and she doesn’t reply. I can’t help but wonder if she’s fallen back asleep. Lucky for her, I have no problem double texting when I don’t receive a response.

Her response is instant.

Worry clenches my chest, and my grip on the phone tightens. Things aren’t getting better. Any ounce of hope I was clinging to dissolves.

I repeat the words that I whisper to her as the wind swirled around us.

Thoughts of Raven panicked at home alone swirl through my mind. In an instant, I’m leaning forward in my chair and moving to the employee files on my computer.

In between my searching, I take a second to keep texting her encouraging messages, just like I do every night.

Once I’ve found the folder I’m looking for, my mouse hovers over her file. What I’m about to do is completely unethical, but this is my Sunflower. I would do anything for her.

And right now, she needs me.

Indecision wracks at me. I know I should ask for permission, but she would just say no. What I’m about to do is wrong, but I know I can’t just sit here. My phone buzzes with another text.

Her words make my decision for me. With a click of my mouse, I open her personnel file. Her address is easy enough to find, even easier than I thought it would be. We probably need to tighten security on our file system. I make a mental note to deal with that tomorrow.

The need to move overwhelms me. With a swift motion of my hand, I lock the computer. I plug her address into my phone and grab my keys off my desk. It’s late, and this is probably the worst idea I’ve ever had, but regardless, I push myself out of my chair.

The pull to comfort her is too strong. Even if it is just her thoughts that I need to protect her from, the desire is the same as it was the night of the tornado. I have to get to her and hold her in my arms. I will do anything to keep her from shattering into a thousand tiny pieces before my eyes.

Because that’s what I know is coming. I can’t just watch her crumble away. I need to help her, even if she won’t ask for it. She’s too proud for that. Our phone calls are no longer enough.

The building is silent as I make my way through the empty halls. I’m the last one out again tonight, just like every night. Even the cleaners have already come and gone. I shut off any remaining lights as I swiftly make my way towards the exit. Some might find the dark and quiet to be eerie, but I find it peaceful. Normally it’s my favorite time to be here. That’s why I’m the first in and the last out every day.

Once I’m settled in my car, the engine roars to life with a push of a button. A low rumbling fills the cabin, only fueling my desire to press the gas as hard as I dare. With one hand placed firmly over the headrest of the passenger seat, I smoothly back out of the parking spot. Under my control, the wheel turns with smooth precision.

Even in a town of rich families, my sleek silver Lexus stands out on the empty streets of Aspen. If I get pulled over, I could lose my license. But Raven is worth the risk. Pressing down on the gas, I speed through the empty streets to her condo.

The second I put the car in park, I pull my phone out of my pocket and dial her number. I’m already moving as the phone rings. It rings several times, and I know she’s sitting in bed trying to decide if she should answer or not. Just like every night when I call.

That’s why I’m here. I’m not giving her the option of shutting me out tonight.

I’m up her stairs before she picks up.

“What do you want, Blake?”

The venom in her words puts a smile on my face. I’ve quickly learned that this annoyed tone is a voice she reserves only for me. It should piss me off, but it only makes me want to press harder. Press until I’ve broken down each of the walls that she’s placed around herself to keep me out.

“Is that anyway to answer the phone?”

I can hear her rolling her eyes through the phone. “Blake, it’s late and I’m tired. I don’t have the energy to play games with you tonight.”

She means it. I can hear it in her voice. She is exhausted.

What’s the worst she can do? Slam the door in my face and tell me she never wants to see me again. I press all my anxieties to the side. Taking a deep steading breath, I knock on her door. “Then open up.”

“What?” Her voice is breathless, but I can hear the shuffle of her comforter as she moves to stand just as she ends the call.

Vortex barks at the unexpected interruption of her nightly routine.

Soft footsteps sound from the other side of the door and I lean against the door frame, looking the epitome of cool and collected. Even though anxious nerves burn beneath my skin at how she’ll react to me just showing up unannounced.

The lock on the door clicks and a flutter of hope dances in my chest. If she was going to tell me to leave, she would have done it over the phone and not have to face me.

The door opens, revealing the only person I want to see. Raven grasps the silk robe she’s wrapped around her body with one hand. I force my eyes away from how the fabric clings to her. That’s not why I’m here. The other hand clutches the door as if she hasn’t decided whether she wants to slam it in my face or not.

“Blake, what are you doing here?” Frowning, I can see she’s annoyed, but relief shines from deep within her eyes. She’s not happy to see me, but a part of her wants me here. She just can’t admit it to herself. And I’ll take anything I can get.

“Are you going to let me in?” I don’t answer her question, because we both know why I’m here.

Vortex’s nose sniffs at her feet, trying to edge the door open wider to see who’s there. My gaze shifts down to her nose before glancing back up at Raven. Just when I think she’s going to tell me to leave, she sighs and takes a step back, holding the door open for me.

Reaching down, I scratch Vortex’s neck. She pants happily as she prances around my feet, sending happy tapping echoing through the apartment. “At least you’re happy to see me, girl.”

A smirk curves the corner of my mouth when I raise my eyes to look at Raven. With her arms crossed over her chest, she looks pissed. If I didn’t know her better, I’d think she was. But the tiny curve of her lips tells me everything I need to know. She’s happy I’m here. She just won’t admit it.

Taking in her apartment with a quick glance, it’s exactly like I expected. Clean lines and functional decor. Open spaces that allow natural light. Just like the sunflower she is.

“What are you doing here?” She repeats her question again.

Sliding my gaze back to her, all I can do is shrug my shoulder. “You needed me.”

Biting the corner of her lip, I see the battle in her eyes. I don’t want her to feel pressured, so I give her a way out. “Do you want me to leave?”

She stares at me for a long moment before she shakes her head. “No.”

It feels like a minor victory.

I expect her to move towards the couch, but she surprises me. Turning away from me, she heads down a long hallway to our right. She leaves me no choice but to follow behind her. Vortex trots in front of me, her fluffy tail wagging back and forth.

Raven stops in front of a door. She takes a steadying breath before she opens it. Stepping through the door, I follow her. My eyes travel around her room. It’s spotless. I get the distinct impression she hates clutter, and the cleanliness in the room has nothing to do with a maid.

Her eyes shift to me, and the fainest hint of pink shows on her cheeks. She’s nervous about having me here. “Are you sure you wouldn’t be more comfortable on the couch?”

She shakes her head, her black hair twisting with each movement. “No.”

Anxious, I tug at the tie around my neck, loosening it ever so slightly. Her eyes follow the movement before shifting down to my clothes and shoes. Something about what I’m wearing makes her pause.

“Don’t move.” She slips back out into the hallway and disappears into the darkness with Vortex at her heels.

I can’t help but glance down at my black suit and loafers. Is there something wrong with my clothes?

She returns in a matter of seconds with a bundle in her arms. “Here, put these on. I don’t want your suit covered in dog hair.”

A smile spreads across my face, because of course that’s what she’s worried about. “A little puppy glitter never hurt anyone.”

She extends the bundle to me with a pointed stare. I know better than to resist, and I take it without argument.

Pointing one hand over her shoulder. “You can change in there.”

Nodding, I cross her room and flip the light on in her bathroom before closing the door behind me. It’s my turn to blush as I face myself in her mirror. Never in a million years would I believe I’d be standing in her bathroom, much less undressing. I loosen my tie the rest of the way before I remove it and the rest of my clothes.

A light knock comes from the door as I pull the sweats on. They are a little big, so I tie the draw string before cracking the door open.

“I thought you might need this.” A hanger slips through the crack. I chuckle at her thoughtfulness. Her eyes widen as they trace the muscles of my chest and abdomen. With just a single glance from her, I know all those nights at the gym were worth the effort.

Letting the door inch a little wider, I stare at her with a satisfied smile tilting the corner of my mouth. “Thank you. I’m almost done.”

Her tongue darts out to wet her lips as she nods and turns away.

Satisfaction flows through me. Working as fast as I can, I hang up my suit on the hanger and throw the t-shirt over my head. It is loose, just like the sweats, but it’s better than her being worried about my clothes.

When I open the door, her eyes trace over before a giggle slips from her lips.

“You don’t like me like this?” I turn in a semicircle, showing off my borrowed clothes.

Clapping a hand over her mouth to hide her smile, she nods her head. “They are Riley’s. He leaves clothes sometimes when he visits.”

Shrugging a shoulder, I take a step closer to her. “Don’t worry about it. It’s fine.”

Both of our eyes move to her bed in unison.

“Time for bed, Sunflower.” My voice breaks the tension that’s been steadily building from the moment I stepped out of the bathroom.

She nods her head once before removing her robe. My eyes can’t help but follow the path of its movement as it slips from her shoulders and trails down her body before pooling at her feet. I force my eyes away from the subtle curves of her body. Heat rushes through me, blood moving south with it. But I press it down, refusing to let instinct take over. That’s not why I’m here. That’s not what this is about.

I keep my eyes averted until she safely disappears beneath her comforter. Once Vortex hops up beside her, I cross the space and sit on the bed beside her.

“Are you okay?” Staring into her eyes, I search for any hint of anxiety - any hint of the panic attack from earlier.

Nodding her head, the muscles in her shoulders relax.

“I’m okay.” She hesitates before adding, “Thanks to you.”

Unable to resist, I reach out and run my hand through her silky hair. I haven’t touched her in months, but it feels like a lifetime. “I’m always here when you need me.”

Her eyes close, enjoying my touch. Her breathing slows and when she opens them again, there’s a question lingering in her warm gaze.

Not knowing what’s going on inside her beautiful mind threatens to drive me insane. I have to know what she’s thinking. “What?”

“Why are you doing this?” The question bursts from her lips like she’s been wanting to ask me this question for months.

I could ask doing what? But I know exactly what she’s actually asking.

My brows draw together. I know why I’m doing this. Does she really not know? Is she really so blinded by her hate for me she can’t see what’s right in front of her face?

“Do I need a reason?” My voice sounds playful, but I don’t want the real reason to slip through my teeth. I’ve known for months why I’m helping her, but I still can’t say the words. Not even in my mind.

I’d never admit them to her. Not now. Not ever.

She nods her head, not willing to let her question go unanswered.

I should have known she’d never let me off the hook so easily. My thoughts race, trying to come up with an appropriate answer. The simplest answer is always the easiest. “Because we’re friends.”

“Is that what we are? Friends?”

Her question feels loaded, and I’m unsure how to answer it. So I answer her question with a question. “Is that what you want us to be?”

I know it’s not what she’s looking for, because a crease forms between her brows. “I’m not sure.”

The uncertainty in her eyes crushes any lingering hope that I unknowingly held onto. She’s not even sure if we are friends. That hurts more than I thought it would.

Not meeting her gaze, I run one hand up the exposed skin of her arm. Keeping my voice low, I whisper. “That’s okay. We don’t have to define what we are.”

Pausing, I look up from where my fingertips touch her. Longing threads into my voice even as I struggle to keep it inside. “Friends or otherwise.”

Her eyes swirl with an emotion I can’t read. But she says nothing.

Sighing, I lower my eyes in defeat. After tucking the blanket around her, I scratch Vortex’s head once. She’s safe now. I should leave. “I should go.”

Raven says nothing. Standing, I move to make my way to the door. In an instant, her hand encircles my wrist, halting my retreat. Her touch is like being struck by a thousand bolts of lightning all at once.

Turning back to her, I’m met with the silent tears that stream down her face.

One word escapes her lips. “Stay.”

Just one word and I am frozen in place. Emotions clash inside of me, but I’d already made my decision the moment she asked me to say. I’d do anything for her.

Nodding, I say nothing as I move to sit back on the bed. She shakes her head as she pushes herself deeper onto the bed. My heart skips a beat. She wants me to join her. My eyes flit to the blanket that still sits as a barrier between us. But I ignore it, settling myself on top of it when I lay down beside her.

“Please don’t leave me.” Her plea rattles me. She’s never asked me for anything, except for the night now.

“I’m not going anywhere.” My stare holds hers and she nods.

Something in her gaze shifts, and she wipes the tears from her face before she scoots closer. Effectively removing any shred of space I left between us. There’s something satisfying about her closing that space herself. That she made the choice to be closer says more than words can.

Holding my arms out to her, she moves to settle herself onto my chest without a single word passing between us. My arms wrap around her and just like that, everything inside of me settles. No more strife. No more indecision. Only peace.

That’s what holding her in my arms does to me. I don’t care if she can never admit to herself what we are. I would accept any part of her she’s willing to give.

Soft words pass her lips, muffled against my chest. “Can I ask you something?”

Her question catches me off guard, but she could ask me anything and I would tell her. “Of course.”

She hesitates, like she isn’t sure she wants to ask. She takes a couple of deep breaths before her breathing slows and the shuttering of her chest vanishes. “Why did you start our charity?”

The way she says ours has pride souring in my chest. There was once a time I could never see Emerson Group as ours, but now I can’t see it as anything else. But there’s a deeper meaning to her question that she doesn’t voice, and I know exactly what she’s asking.

“I wanted to help our community. Abby saw the need. I never noticed, but once I did it was like glass shattering and I couldn’t unsee it.” I answer her question, leaving out anything else. “After the success of our Christmas toy drive, I knew I couldn’t stop. I had to keep the momentum going.”

She nods against my chest, but I can still feel her real question lingering between us unspoken.

“Does that answer your question?”

She nods her head against my chest, but I know it isn’t the truth.

With my free hand, I slip a finger under her chin and gently tilt her face to look at me. “Just ask the real question. I can handle it.”

Insecurity swirls in her eyes, but she nods. “Did you do all this just to repair your reputation?”

Hurt mixes with indignation in my chest, but I know it’s unjustified. If anyone else asked me this question, I don’t know how I would answer. But Raven isn’t asking this to hurt me. She’s asking because she genuinely needs to know. I can see it in her eyes. She’s trying to decide if this is the real me. If the Blake inside her head matches who I really am.

And for the first time, I’m ready to tell her the truth.

“Can you keep a secret, Sunflower?” My words are a soft whisper. I can’t bear to speak any louder.

Her eyes widen, and she pushes herself up in my arms to look at me. “Of course I can.”

“Someone’s life hangs in the balance. Promise me.” The seriousness in my eyes intrigues her.

Curiosity glints from her eyes, and I know she’ll never relent now. She has to know.

Her whisper matches mine. “I promise.”

I take a steadying breath. I promised to take this secret with me to my grave, but this is Raven. And if I want to build any type of relationship with her, I can’t keep this a secret any longer. “This nonprofit was a happy consequence of the worst night of my life.”

Moving, she places her hand on my chest, encouraging me to continue.

There’s no easy way to admit this, so I force the words from my mouth. “I wasn’t driving that night.”

Her eyes widen in surprise, but she still doesn’t speak. With the truth spoken, a weight lifts from my shoulders. For the first time in over a year, I take a deep breath, no longer feeling the weight of the lies on my shoulders.

“My friend and I had been out drinking. Over the night, I lost track of him.” I purposefully don’t say his name. Pulling his identity into this conversation won’t change what happened that night. “I knew I was too drunk to drive. I offered to call us a car, but he said he was good. I had no idea how much he had to drink, but I trusted him at his word.”

In retrospect, I should have known he wasn’t sober enough to drive. It was my trust that got us into this mess. “He’s always wanted to drive my car, so I handed over the keys.”

Glancing down at Raven, it looks like her breathing has stopped all together. Unable to hold her gaze, I glance up at the ceiling. “And you know what happened next. He crashed my car. We were both lucky not to be killed and to not hurt anyone else.”

I shake my head as I continue, seeing the memory as if it’s happening all over again. The cold air hits me like I’m standing in the snow beside my wrecked car. “He freaked when he saw the car. His wife had just had a baby, a few months before this. They couldn’t handle him losing his job and the jail time. I called him a car and sent him home. I told him I’d handle it. And that’s what I did.”

Her hand slides up my neck to cup my cheek. The intimacy of her touch draws my eyes back down to her.

Her eyes swirl with unshed tears. And my heart breaks that they are there because of me. “That was so brave of you, Blake.”

I shake my head against her skin. It feels like she’s praising me for doing the right thing. I can’t help but lean into her, savoring her skin against mine. “I did what anyone in my station would do. I knew my connections could smooth things over. There was very little doubt in my mind that I would go to jail. And even if I did, I’d always have the family business to fall back on.”

“They said I fled the scene of the crime, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. I was the one that called the cops.” I take a steading breath before I continue. “The one thing I hadn’t expected was the hate. This town turned on me in a single night. Even my mom couldn’t protect me from that. So she hired Spencer’s company to help me. I had no idea that would bring Abby back to Aspen or end up with us starting a charity together. But I wouldn’t change any of it.”

Because they brought you to me.

I don’t say the words even as they burn on my tongue to be spoken. The entire course of events brought Raven into my life. I’d do it all over again if it means that she’s in my arms all over again. I wouldn’t change a single thing.

“Blake.”

There’s a plea in her voice, and I hold her gaze, not wanting to look anywhere but at her. “Yea?”

“You’re a good man. I’m sorry I ever made you feel like anything less.” The corner of her lip tilts in a smile.

Redemption. I finally have redemption.

One sentence has my entire world spinning in the opposite direction. For the first time in my life, I feel seen. She knows all of my secrets. She knows who I am and is letting me hold her regardless of everything I’ve said. It takes everything in my power not to pull her lips to mine. Everything in me screams to claim her, but I don’t. I won’t ruin this moment. Not when she’s really seeing me for the first time. “Thank you.”

My words don’t feel enough to explain the complicated emotions swirling inside me. I’m free and seen and the combination of those sensations has me soaring through the room even though I’m not moving.

After a moment, she settles against my chest once more. “Thank you for telling me.”

Nodding against her head, I say nothing else. Reality no longer feels real. If I blink, I might wake up from the best dream I’ve ever had in my life. I’m tempted to pinch myself.

But this is real. This is not a dream. Raven sees me.

Barely any time passes before her breathing slows and I know she’s fallen asleep. My grip on her shoulders tightens and I bask in every second that passes. Closing my eyes, I commit this moment to memory. Memorizing exactly how she feels laying in my arms. The way her scent seems to infiltrate my senses and spin my thoughts.

Hours pass and sleep tugs at the edges of my vision even as I fight to keep it at bay. I don’t want to waste a single moment of this gift she’s given me. But each minute that passes, I know I’m fighting a losing battle.

Placing my forehead on hers, I whisper. “I’ll never let you go. The moment you walked back into my life, I was yours.”

Settling into her, I close my eyes and let the world fade to black around me.