Chapter 26 Holly
TWENTY-SIX
HOLLY
The setting sun fills the darkened bakery with a warm orange light as I turn the sign hanging on the glass door to ‘closed’.
Two of my long-time employees, Hayleigh and Sue, wave goodbye to me through the window, heading home for the evening.
Automatically I smile and raise a hand in return, but it’s strained, the weight of the last week weighing heavily on me.
On top of that, it’s been a busy day in the bakery and I’m looking forward to collapsing on my sofa and not moving for several hours.
Sighing, I turn away and follow the warm glow of the kitchen lights at the back of the store.
I’ve always loved the bakery after dark when it’s all closed up and it’s just me.
During the day it’s too busy for me to sit on my laurels and take everything in, but like this, I can fully appreciate what I’ve created.
Fond memories fill my mind of time when my parents were still alive and I grew up running between the baking tables.
They were the ones who taught me to bake, and it always shocks me to see how much the bakery has changed since they passed and the shop became mine.
Sure, technically Ivy is a part of it too, but I’m the one who pours love and hours of my time into it. For my sister, the bakery is an obligation, something she can sell off to the highest bidder now it no longer suits her.
However, looking around the deserted space now, instead of fond memories, I just feel a sense of exhaustion.
The last week has been tough, with both trying to sort the sale of Ivy’s share, and my aching heart.
I’ve thrown myself into the business, trying to avoid any thought of Bear and Clay.
This has turned out to be almost impossible with them working next door.
The familiar ache in my chest deepens into a stabbing pain that threatens to topple me completely.
I need to stop thinking about them before that pain overtakes me.
This last week I’ve been walking around in a daze, wrapping myself in a protective shield of neutrality: present, but numb.
Any emotion is overwhelming and I’m terrified that if I allow myself to feel, I will shatter and never be the same again.
It was pure stupidity to think that anything good would come out of dating two men as close as brothers; someone was always going to get hurt.
People have noticed my distance, especially my staff.
However, other than the odd concerned glance and tentative question here and there, I’ve been left alone.
All except Ashley. In true form, she offered to murder them for me, and I think she was only half joking.
She doesn’t understand the depth of connection I have to both guys, but it doesn’t matter.
Her best friend is hurt, and she’s there to pick up the pieces.
The corner of my mouth twitches up into the ghost of a half-smile. I don’t think I would have gotten through this week without her. A soft tinkling bell rings, alerting me to the fact someone has just entered the bakery and pulling my thoughts from Ashley.
“Sorry, we’re closed–” I’m already speaking before I move, turning to face my would-be customer. Only, it’s not a customer, but the reasons for my heartache.
“Oh–” Choked, all words come to an end, reasonable though flying from my mind. I probably sound breathy and weak, and that’s exactly how I feel in this moment.
My eyes greedily take them in, as though this is the last time I’m going to see them up close like this.
They’re both as handsome as ever, but there’s something different about them.
Clay looks pale, stubble across his jaw and his usual frown deeper set than usual.
However, it’s Bear that takes me aback. Physically, he appears fine, but that isn’t what catches my attention.
He looks like a man drowning, desperately searching for a safe harbour, and he’s found that in me. I am his lifeboat.
I’m barely keeping myself afloat at the moment, and knowing that he’s suffering only makes that harder.
After all, the issue from before is still there.
I am the one who ended our relationships, if you can even call them that.
I’m the one who is causing their pain. Me.
I want to run to them and collapse in their arms, while simultaneously wanting to disappear and not have to deal with this moment.
How can I feel such opposing emotions and still feel like I’m dying inside?
Seeing them is a punch to the gut, the feeble wall I built around my emotions threatening to crumble completely.
I’ve not even let myself fully accept how I feel for them.
It always seemed too good to be true and I didn’t think I would survive the pain when it didn’t work out.
Having them here now, though, standing in front of me with their sadness and longing so clearly on their faces, it’s impossible to hold it back any longer.
My ears ring, my vision flickering and I realise that’s because I’m holding my breath.
They have always smelled amazing. Am I subconsciously trying to protect myself in any way possible, including their scent?
My body is in survival mode and somehow knows that even the smallest thing could break me.
Forcing myself to take a deep, gasping breath, I reach out and steady myself on the counter beside me. The gravity of the situation and lack of oxygen take their toll and I stumble slightly.
“Holly–” Clay is moving towards me, and I know his intentions are in the right place, but I hold up my hand, warding off the two of them. If I feel this bad now, it will only be ten times worse if they get any closer.
He jerks to a halt, looking pained, but he respects my silent order for space.
A second passes and he seems to shake himself out of the moment and glances up at Bear.
I didn’t notice at first, but now I see that Bear has his hand on Clay’s arm, making sure he doesn’t come any closer.
The two share a look, silently communicating in a way only these who share a deep bond can.
“Why are you here?” I ask, voice shaking, glad of the counter beside me for support. Seeing the two of them has knocked me back in a way I didn’t think possible. My heart feels so fragile: vulnerable and raw.
Bear has been watching me with that steady intensity of his, taking in my every movement, and after a few heavy seconds, he clears his throat. “We needed to talk to you, Holly.”
His deep voice rolls over me and I want to close my eyes and bask in it like a cat in the sun. However, that is not appropriate for the situation and I need to pull myself together.
“What he means is, we need you to take us back.” Clay jumps in before I can respond, his shoulders tense. In fact, all of him is tense, ready to leap forward the moment I give him the okay.
Except, that’s not going to happen.
“Is this some sort of joke?”
Glancing between the two of them, I search their faces for an answer.
I must be hearing them wrong, or this is some cruel joke they’ve concocted.
They know the exact reason I stopped dating the two of them, I couldn’t be forced into choosing between them, and it was causing a rift between them, so I chose neither of them.
It was the hardest and most painful decision I’ve ever made, and for them to come back in here and completely disregard that feels like a slap to the face.
Bear shoots an annoyed look at his brother for jumping in, and quickly returns his attention to me, raising his hands slightly as though trying to talk me down.
“No, Holly. He’s right.” As he releases a huffed breath, I can see him trying to gather his thoughts.
“Without you, we are incomplete. We need you. Clay and I have spoken, and we’re willing to work together so we can all be happy. ”
Mind spinning, I fully lean against the counter. This must be a fever dream, or perhaps I’ve finally gone mad and am living out the fantasy in my head, as I can’t be having this same conversation with them again.
Pressing my fingers against my temples, I rub my forehead to try to ward off the headache that’s brewing. “I don’t understand what you mean…”
“We will both date you. Individually and, if needed, together.” The sympathetic, understanding smile Bear gives me makes my chest twinge in pain.
That aside, though, his words take a moment to process in my mind.
They want to date me individually, and together?
What do they mean by that, group dates? How would any of that work?
This would only take away the part where I have to make a decision between them; the jealousy issue would still be present.
For alpha males like Clay and Bear, could something like this ever truly work?
“Are you saying that you want to… share me?” Even saying those two words feels strange. Not wrong, like I thought they might, but foreign all the same.
“What we feel is too strong to let pass because of a few arguments between us,” Clay explains, gesturing to Bear at his side yet never taking his eyes from me. “I can’t be without you, Holly, and the idea of you hurting because of me is abhorrent.”
“We love you, Holly, both of us,” adds Bear.
They both seem sincere, and the romantic in me wants to fling all my worries to the side and throw myself at them.
However, pain and experience have taught me not to listen to that part of me.
I notice how neither of them answers my question about the sharing aspect of this relationship they’re proposing to me.
Have they really thought this through? There are too many unknowns here; surely it will never work.
That doesn’t stop me from asking more questions, though. “How would it even work, being in a relationship with two of you? What would everyone think?”