Chapter Nineteen
TRISSA
I was distracted.
The memory of last night played on repeat in my head and was the only thing I could think about during the early morning recording session at VS Music Production.
The heat of Killian’s body pressed to mine, his lips so close they almost touched, the crazed possessive look that crossed his face. I’d never felt more annoyed and turned on at the same time.
“Tris.” Peter’s voice snapped in my ear.
My head jerked up, heat flaring in my cheeks. Shit. “Uh … Yeah?”
His irritation grated on me. “Have you heard anything I just said?”
There was no way I’d tell him what I’d really been thinking about. How Killian’s protective side stirred some deep-seated desire to be taken care of that I didn’t know existed. How when he barged into my apartment, the energy between us positively surged. How I had no idea if it meant anything to him or if he was used to feeling like this with other women.
And how shocking it was to me to realize that I craved his possessiveness.
“I was distracted. I’ll pay better attention,” I responded. My job today was to listen to their new songs and make suggestions on how to tweak them. It was nice that I could still put my degree to use every now and again.
“See that you do. We need to get this right.”
“Cut me some friggin’ slack, Peter.” The second the words left my mouth, I wanted to hide under the desk. Even though I’d shocked myself, and Peter, based on the way his eyes widened slightly before narrowing on me. I needed to stick to my guns.
“Tris.” The way he said my name with such disbelief punched me with reality. I’d always just acquiesced to Peter, apologized and moved on, and gave in to his demands. It hadn’t mattered what was going on with me, as long as Peter was happy.
And I’d never snapped at him like that.
“Peter,” I challenged.
He stared at me. Completely and utterly silent, his brow furrowed.
I fought the urge to squirm beneath his surprised yet calculating stare. Because even though he was the good-time guy, the one who charmed you with a smile, he was smart. It was how he schmoozed his way through life. Peter could take one look at someone and determine how to cater to their needs or be who they thought they wanted him to be. It was how he got what he wanted.
And up until now, I’d let that dictate who I was. I’d been a pawn in his game, all this time. Another chess piece to manipulate on the board of his life.
No longer. I wasn’t sure where that left me, but I needed to find out.
The band, God love ‘em, seemed just as shocked as Peter as they stared at us, not bothering to hide their bewildered and amused expressions.
Geez, I really had been a doormat all this time.
Peter released my gaze and shook his head. His mouth spread into the signature captivating smile he flashed at his fans, and was now directed at me.
I hated this fake smile of his. It wasn’t the one he usually bestowed on me. And I was beginning to wonder when this facade had become his default.
And why it took me so long to see through it.
“Take it from the top,” Peter called out to the band.
I gave him a quick nod when he turned my way and tapped on my headphones to let him know I was listening. He didn’t respond, but the lines in his brow remained.
Peter knew me well enough to realize something was off with me. And if it didn’t affect him, I had no doubt he’d forget, but right now he was intrigued and maybe annoyed. It was only a matter of time before he found out about me and Killian.
And while I might be a little more forward with him, I wasn’t ready for that confrontation.
Not yet.
Which put everything into perspective for me.
It was bad enough that Peter was going to be upset with me. When he learned I was dating Killian, he was going to be pissed. Things between us here would change. My heart raced and my muscles ached from how tense I’d been all morning. I was lucky no one seemed to notice how off I was until now. Although, that was my own doing. If I’d just apologized instead of snapping at Peter, no one would have been any the wiser.
But I couldn’t stop thinking about Killian’s demand that I move in with him, and now with distance and clarity how that might not be the best idea for me .
I wasn’t ready to share the status of my new relationship with Killian, even if it was fake. Lying didn’t come easily to me—as Killian had pointed out—and I worried I’d never pull it off. Especially in front of Peter. And if I moved in with Killian, how would I explain that to him? To anyone, really?
But, living with Killian also made hiding our newfound relationship a little easier until we announced it to the world.
And then there was the matter of this insane attraction I seemed to be feeling toward him. It was so completely unexpected, and I needed to figure out what to do with it.
That was it. I made up my mind.
No deal.
I needed to tell Killian no.
H e wouldn’t be pleased, but eventually he’d see it my way.
Right?
I stared at the open half-packed suitcases on my couch. I’d packed them before I left this morning. The sight of my belongings, haphazardly strewn about, was a visual reminder of the decision I’d made. Now I had to tell Killian I wasn’t moving in, and that he was being ridiculous. I’d been living on my own for years without any problems.
I glanced out the window at the small park across the street that had seen better days. On either side of it, the other apartment buildings on the street were mixed in with modest single-family homes. So what if this wasn’t the greatest neighborhood or the newest building? Killian didn’t get to tell me where I lived, or how.
My face heated. I still couldn’t believe how angry I’d gotten with him last night. He was being a total overprotective jerk, and I reacted like I always did with him. Fiery. Being around Killian lit a match that when applied to the fuse of my temper, ignited each word until it came within inches of exploding.
Usually, I found it easier to go along with what other people wanted. I hated to disappoint anyone or have them feel like I didn’t care. And I genuinely liked being helpful. Sometimes to your detriment , a voice whispered at the back of my mind.
I needed to ignore that voice. It wasn't helpful.
Yet around Killian it was like all of my people-pleasing ways got thrown out the window and my emotions became amplified. Unlike with everyone else, I seemed to be comfortable enough not to feel like I had to suppress my true feelings.
Why was that?
I reached for my cell phone and swiped the screen, scrolling until my finger hovered over Killian’s name. My pulse raced as I anticipated his reaction. I knew he’d be upset. Would he also be disappointed?
And would I be able to stand my ground if he tried to change my mind yet again? I sucked in a long, deep breath, steeling myself for the conversation.
A controlled set of knocks interrupted my internal struggle. Who could it be? I approached the door cautiously, curious who would be here without calling first.
“Trissa? It’s Max.”
I pulled open the door. Killian’s driver stood there, exuding a rugged masculinity of all hard lines and quiet strength. I was acutely aware of how small I felt in his presence.
“I’ve changed my mind,” I managed, proud that my voice didn’t betray my nerves.
Stupid Killian was getting in my head about my building not being safe.
He crossed his arms over his massive chest, the movement causing his muscles to ripple under his faded henley. Aviator sunglasses hid his eyes, but I still felt the intensity of his stare. “Killian said you’d be ready to go.”
I cleared my throat, not sure how to deter him. This was the first time I’d seen Max not behind the wheel of a car. “Why don’t you come in for a minute while I call Killian and tell him I don’t need your help.” I stepped back, gesturing for him to enter, but he remained unmoved, like a statue carved from marble.
“You can let me know when you’re ready to go, and I’ll bring your bags to the car.” His tone left no room for argument, and I felt a flicker of irritation at his presumption. His and Killian’s that I would just go along with everything.
I gave him a tentative smile, guilt and defiance warring within me. “About that … ” I began, my voice trailing off as I searched for the right words.
His frown deepened, and my resolve strengthened. I wouldn’t be intimidated, not even by this walking Adonis.
“I’m not going.” The words came out in a rush, and I lifted my chin, daring him to challenge me again.
“That won’t work.” His response was immediate and firm, causing my irritation to flare.
“I’m sorry?” I didn’t bother to keep the edge out of my voice. Who did he think he was? And why was I being so combative? Maybe it was his association with Killian that seemed to make him fair game.
“You know exactly what I’m saying, and what Killian will say. We leave in fifteen minutes.” His unwavering stance and commanding tone stoked the fire burning in me.
“It was a pleasure, Max.” I failed to hide my sarcasm and shut the door on him, perhaps with more force than necessary.
My heart raced as I leaned against the door, taking deep breaths to calm myself. Why did part of me feel a thrill at the thought of defying Killian?
My phone rang, and I jumped. I steadied myself for the confrontation I knew was coming. I let it ring until I settled on my couch, surrounded by the evidence of my indecision. “Hello, Killian,” I answered, trying to keep my tone even.
“Tink,” he growled, the familiar nickname sending a shiver down my spine. Why did his voice affect me like this? It never had before.
“I’ll be fine here,” I reassured him. “I think once you’ve had time to think about it, you’ll see it, too.” I held my breath, waiting for his response.
“Once I’ve had time to think about it?” he asked in a deeper timbre than usual. His tone held a dangerous edge that thrilled me more than it terrified me. I could almost feel the tension radiating through the phone, and I found myself imagining the way his jaw would clench, and his eyes would darken with frustration.
It made me a tiny bit happy that I could get to him.
It felt … powerful.
“Exactly.” I pretended to misunderstand the intention of his words, clinging to my facade of nonchalance even as my heartrate quickened.
“Then you’ve given me no choice.” The finality in his tone sent a chill through me. What did he mean?
“Kil—” Silence filled my ear. He’d hung up on me.
What did he mean that I’d given him no choice? I dialed his number, only to get his voicemail. I sent him text after text with no response, each unanswered message increasing my anxiety.
Finally, unable to bear the suspense any longer, I stalked to my door and ripped it open. Max was still there. He leaned against the wall across from me, looking as if he didn’t have a care in the world. “Ma’am,” he said, maddeningly calm.
“Don’t you ma’am me.” I stomped up to him, grateful I had a bit of height so I wasn’t completely looking up to this tree-trunk- high man. He had to be at least 6’5”. “What is he planning to do?”
He shrugged. “Not for me to say.”
“So you’re going to just stand here all day? As what? My bodyguard?” My jaw dropped as the realization hit me. “What if I need to go out?”
“Guess I’ll go with you.” His matter-of-fact response grated on my nerves. How could he act like this was normal?
“I don’t need a bodyguard.” I clenched my hands so tight my nails bit into my palms, as I fought the childish urge to stomp my foot in frustration. Killian was completely overreacting. We’d gone from sort of getting along, to this. Why? “And besides, who’ll drive him around?”
“I’m sure he’ll figure something out,” he said, a hint of amusement in his voice that only served to irritate me further.
“Are you always this unhelpful?” I glared, wishing I could see his eyes behind those infuriating sunglasses.
He shrugged again, this time the gesture making me want to throw something.
“Ugh.” I waved a hand at him, exasperated. “I can’t leave you out here all day. What if you get hungry or need the bathroom?”
“I’m fine.” His stoic response was interrupted by the door next to me opening.
Ana’s head poked out of her doorway, her eyes widening as she caught sight of Max. I understood her reaction well.
I sighed, suddenly weary. “I’ll tell you about it later.”
She grinned, her eyes dancing with curiosity. “I hope so.” She winked before shutting her door, leaving me alone again with my unwanted guardian.
Making a split-second decision, I lunged forward and grabbed Max’s arm, conscious of the solid muscle beneath my fingers. I knew full well he’d let me pull him inside. “I don’t need my neighbors freaked out, wondering who you are and why you’re here.”
He turned his head and stared a little too long at my friend’s door, a smile playing at his lips. “She didn’t seem freaked out to me.”
So he was a comedian now, too. I made note of his subtle reaction to my friend, determined to dive into it later.
Infuriated, I yanked him the rest of the way in and slammed the door. I let go and stalked over to the couch to push aside a suitcase.
“Sit,” I commanded, needing to feel some semblance of control over the situation.
Without a word, he sat, his large frame making my couch look ridiculously small. I chewed my lip between my teeth, uncertain how to proceed. “Do you want to watch TV? Can I get you something to eat?”
“I’m good.” He pulled out his phone, pushed his sunglasses up the bridge of his nose, and responded to a message.
Not knowing what to do with myself, I dragged the suitcases off the couch, intending to put everything away. I poked my head out to check on Max regularly. He looked far too comfortable on my sofa. His calm demeanor heightened my restlessness.
My stomach growled, reminding me I’d missed breakfast and lunch. I went to the doorway. “Want a sandwich?” I asked Max, more out of politeness than any real expectation he’d accept.
Max stood up and stretched. “I’m all set.”
I went into my galley kitchen and pulled together the ingredients to what I liked to call my “comfort sandwich.” As I spread Miracle Whip on the bread, I heard Max’s heavy footsteps trek to my door and open it.
I shrugged, figuring he was just stepping out for a minute, or maybe he missed his post in the hall. A tiny kernel of guilt swirled in me. I hated getting him into trouble for my decision, even if I knew I wouldn’t change my mind.
The sudden sound of a loud drill filled my apartment, shattering the tense silence. My heart leapt in my throat as I realized the noise was coming from just outside my door. I took two steps out of the kitchen, shock rendering me immobile. “What are you doing?”
Max didn’t answer. He stood off to the side while an older gentleman installed a camera by my door. Another man cut through the door and frame, apparently installing additional locks.
My mind reeled, unable to process what was happening.
“He can’t … ” I sputtered, a mix of anger and disbelief causing me to be speechless.
There was only one man that had the audacity to do something like this.
Killian.