Chapter 14
CHAPTER
FOURTEEN
It’s still dark when Troy sneaks away, leaving me alone in the pre-dawn gloom. We talked all night, dreaming of the life we’re going to build together.
The warmth of the sun is such a relief. My muscles scream from the constant shivering and from being on my feet for so long. I’m grateful that I made it all night without having to pee, and that Troy isn’t there to see me wet myself in the morning.
He’s right. We need to go. If anything else goes missing, they’ll have me cuffed to this pole for five days and I’m not sure I’d survive it.
I’m surprised that a big production isn’t made out of me being released.
It just goes to show how busy they all are right now.
Instead, Governor Nolan sends Jane to unlock me and help me back to my trailer.
She delivers a message that my punishment doesn’t excuse me from work tonight, not that I thought it would.
I gulp down a bottle of water and manage to get about four hours of sleep before Troy’s fingers brush my cheek. I sit up, alarmed, wincing at the pain in my shoulders and back. “I overslept!”
“It’s okay. Get dressed and you can rest in the truck.”
He takes us straight to a fast food place where I inhale a double cheeseburger and milkshake.
After a little sleep and food, I almost feel human again.
We visit a few dumpsters, but he insists that he sorts through them alone while I sit on the tailgate and talk to him.
After we take the stuff to the storage building, he pulls back onto the dark road that leads to our barn.
We have a few hours before we have to go back and there’s no better way to spend it than lying with my head in his lap in the warm truck.
“I found a good car for us to take,” he says. “A little gray Ford. The inside is pretty torn up so they aren’t looking to sell it and won’t miss it for a while. I hid the keys with the money under the fence pole.”
I rest my hand on his knee. “They won’t miss the keys?”
“Nah. They aren’t exactly guarding them. They keep the keys to the rest tucked under the visors, but I didn’t want to chance that they’d move them.”
“Can’t trust anything with our bad luck,” I chuckle.
“Mm, I don’t know about that.” He runs his fingers through my hair. “Meeting you was the best luck I’ve ever had.”
He’s so sweet. When I look up at his smile, I know I never want to live a day without him. “You’ve made everything I’ve been through worth it, Troy. You saved me.”
“We’re saving each other.”
Two more days and our lives will be ours again.
Tomorrow night, everything will change. It’s the only thought in my head all day as I’m working. Everything I’m doing may be the last time. No more cleaning or canning or picking.
I’m carrying a crate of jars to the shed when Troy walks toward me on the path with Governor Nolan on one side and Steward Joshua on his other.
Troy carries a duffel bag, and Steward Joshua has a large backpack slung over his shoulder.
They’re talking and laughing like old friends.
When they get near me, I drop my head. “Pleasant day, Governor. Stewards.”
I’m ignored as usual but after they pass by me, Troy shouts, “Sinful!” That nickname coming from his lips hurts even though I know he’s only playing a part.
My head snaps up. The two men have paused their steps to watch Troy stomp toward me. He scoops something up from the grass and drops it in my crate as he scolds, “Stop dropping shit!”
What? I didn’t drop anything.
The afternoon sun glints off the clear plastic of a cassette tape.
I’m so caught off guard that by the time I respond, he’s already jogging back to the others.
“Sorry, Steward. Thank you.” They don’t seem to hear me.
Steward Joshua says something and all three burst out laughing. No doubt it was a remark about me.
I’m confused why Troy would take such a risk when he could’ve given the tape to me tonight, but the small heart drawn on the label puts a smile on my face. He must’ve caught that song on tape that I’ve been trying to get all week.
I have every intention of listening to it before I go to sleep, but the stewards keep me busy until evening. Troy will be picking me up in a few hours. We’ll listen to it together. I set the tape on the arm of my couch and lie down for a nap.
The blare of my alarm seems to come five minutes later, and I slap the snooze button. And then again when the alarm resumes after ten minutes. I’m too groggy to be sure how many times I fell back to sleep, but I’m running late. I throw on my clothes and head to the living room to wait for Troy.
I’m not the only one running behind tonight, apparently.
Troy usually picks me up around ten, and never later than eleven.
At eleven-thirty, I’m hovering in the doorway, watching for headlights.
The minutes tick by and my anxiety grows.
He’s never failed to show up. What am I supposed to do? Could he have overslept too?
I’m not really allowed to go to any steward’s trailer, but we could both be in trouble if we miss a night.
The last thing we need is to draw their attention to us now.
At a quarter till midnight, I grab a flashlight and start down the path.
The homes are dark and quiet. Most of the members’ days start early so I’m not surprised.
Troy’s trailer is also dark. I knock and listen for any movement inside. Nothing. Is he in there asleep? I glance around but there’s no one in sight to see me open his door and step inside.
“Troy? You here?” No one answers. Instead of searching for a light to turn on, I use the flashlight. His place is nicer than mine, furnished better at least. He has a television with a recliner parked in front of it.
I make my way down the small hallway to the only bedroom. The bed is empty and unmade. “Troy,” I call again, tapping on the bathroom door before opening it, though I already know he isn’t here.
I hope he’s okay. Maybe he just forgot to tell me he had other duties tonight. There’s nothing to do but go back to my trailer.
About halfway there, a slurring voice calls out to me. “Sinful! What are you doing out here creeping around?”
Governor James appears out of the darkness with a bottle in his hand.
“I was looking for Troy. We’re supposed to be working.”
“Troy’s been reassigned.”
My stomach drops. “What?” I blurt and quickly correct myself. “I mean…pardon me, Governor. We aren’t supposed to be stocking the market tonight?”
“No. Didn’t I just say that, stupid girl? You’re reassigned to Matron Ruth. Now get your ass back where you’re supposed to be and report to her in the morning.”
“Yes, Governor.”
My heart races as he turns away and walks toward the main house. Reassigned? Is it temporary? Just for tonight? They’ll need us to get back to dumpster diving, surely. Maybe Matron Ruth will be able to tell me in the morning.
Disappointment weighs me down at not seeing Troy tonight while I try not to worry about where he is.
A faint red dot briefly glows from Jane’s front deck, and after looking back to make sure Governor James is gone, I detour that direction instead of heading home.
Jane likes to sneak out to smoke after her kids are asleep.
She sits on her steps as I approach. “What are you doing out this late?” she asks, keeping her voice low.
“Looking for Troy. I guess we aren’t working tonight.”
“He left town with my husband and Steward Joshua this afternoon.”
I take a seat beside her. “Do you know why or what’s going on? Governor James said I’m reassigned but I don’t know why.”
“Men’s business,” Jane snorts, her tone bitter. “That’s all Nolan told me when he showed up here to put his new wife in my kids’ bedroom.”
She sounds exhausted. “What? She’s living with you?”
“That’s how they’re going to do it until they get more housing. Now my kids have to sleep in my room while his new wife makes herself at home. And I have to pretend to be happy about it.” She takes another puff and leans against the railing. “She’s already pregnant.”
“Oh Jane, I’m so sorry. That’s awful.” I’ve been too caught up in my own plans and happiness lately to notice how my friend is suffering. She’s lost weight and her eyes are sad.
“Remember when we were kids, and we said we weren’t going to be wives?” she asks wistfully.
“Yeah.”
“I think about that a lot.”
“We were too young to understand how things worked here. We still thought we could leave when we grew up.”
She grounds her cigarette out on the step and gazes up at the sky. “Those were good days.”
I hate the despair in her voice. “Don’t give up hope. You never know what’ll happen next. We didn’t see any of this coming.”
“No,” she laughs. “We sure didn’t.” She looks over at me.
“You’re in love with Troy, aren’t you?” I blink at the question and hesitate to answer.
“It’s okay. You don’t have to say it, but I see it.
” She shakes her head. “It’s not worth it, Syb.
Love isn’t worth it. The men don’t feel it.
It’s just another way to get us to obey. Don’t be stupid like me.”
“You aren’t stupid.” She squeezes me back when I hug her. “We didn’t have much choice.”
“That’s true. We just have to make the best of it.” She gets to her feet and pauses on the deck while I stand at the bottom of the steps. “I wouldn’t expect them to come back soon. Nolan took a suitcase.”
That’s why Troy had a duffle bag with him earlier. Suddenly, I remember the cassette he left me. What if he knew it wasn’t temporary? He’ll probably have a better chance to escape wherever they’ve gone. What if the tape is a goodbye message?
After Jane goes inside, I run back to my trailer. My breath tears in and out of my lungs as my screen door slams shut behind me and I snatch up the tape. My hands tremble, nearly making me drop it before it slides into the slot of the tape player.
I’m terrified that I’ll hear his voice telling me he won’t be back, though as far as I know his tape player doesn’t have a microphone. Instead, Wait by White Lion begins to play. I recognize the song immediately and sink to the floor with relief. It is a message, but not a goodbye.
Tears begin to pour when INXS comes on next. Never Tear Us Apart. He wants me to know that he’ll be back, and he needed to know I wouldn’t run without him. We share so much through music, he knew I’d understand.
I lie on the floor, cradling the boombox in my arms as if it could bring me closer to wherever he is tonight. The third song takes me right back to dancing in the headlights, surrounded by cornfields.
Always, Troy. I’ll be right here when you get back.
Always.