Chapter 11
Theo
Like what the fuck? If I didn’t know any better, I would swear that she was stalking me, but judging by the way she rammed into me, there’s no way she was following me. She looked good in her normal clothes, too. The way the shirt was snug on her tight stomach to her jeans, hugging all of her curves. My body went against everything that was in me saying don”t touch her but I couldn’t let her fall.
When I touched her skin, it was like she was consuming me from the inside out. She felt it too. I saw it on her features. When she pulled me in, I felt the pull to kiss her. I wanted it so badly but I had to choke it down. What would she think about me and what I have done? I wasn’t some big hotshot making a shitload of money. I was a lowlife drug addict who had nothing to his name.
If I was an old version of myself, then absolutely I would have taken my shot. Nope, I needed to get her out of my head and find that darkness again. That kind of darkness that made all of this go away. But was it too soon to take another? What’s the worst that could happen?
I paused for a second and looked back at where she walked off. I could die. I used to not care if I died, but something felt different now. Maybe I did want to see her and get to know her. But I couldn’t. I started to think about Camie. I started to feel the anxiety come up my throat. I was going to be sick. I ran over to the side of the walking path behind some bushes so no one would see me. I started to get sick with everything I ate for breakfast that morning bubbling up and that shit hurt like hell.
I sat down and started to shake. Was I cold? What the fuck was going on? I tried to breathe but couldn’t calm myself down. I pulled my legs into me. Pills, where were the pills? I reached out and dug deep into my pockets and took them out. I struggled to open the bottle.
“Damn it,” I said quietly. I paused so I could take a breath and hold still for a second. I grabbed one out and swallowed it fast. I put the lid back on and sat there, still shaking. I felt a tear come to my eye. I couldn’t live like this.
After about fifteen minutes, I started to calm down and the pain was gone. I remained sitting. I was ashamed of myself and who I had become.
Camie would be so disappointed in me. She was such a good person. The tear that I had been holding fell down my face. I sat up and just stared off into nothing. That’s where I belonged, in nothing. I thought about Serenity and wondered what demons she had to be hiding. I saw them in her eyes, even though she might think she could hide them. We all had demons. Some were just worse than others. I stood up and straightened out my shirt and wiped off the dirt that was on my pants. I walked out of the bushes and looked around, wondering if anyone was looking at me funny. Why did I care? I didn’t.
“You okay, buddy?” I opened my eyes and looked up. I didn’t even realize they were closed. “Buddy, you okay?” I looked at the stranger but I didn’t know how to respond so I went to turn but suddenly, I got dizzy.
“Hey, hey. You’re okay. Let’s go sit down on that bench over there.” All I could do was nod at this man. He had my arm over his shoulder and his arm wrapped around my waist. Everything was spinning, but closing my eyes helped. When we got to the bench, he sat next to me.
“Take a drink of this, its water.” I turned to him and looked at the bottle that he had in his hand. I don’t know why I was being cautious about someone offering me a drink of water.
Again, what’s the worst that could happen? I felt sick again, but I grabbed his bottle and tossed back a drink. It was so refreshing and soothing going down my throat. It was like I’m drinking liquid gold. I handed it back to him and gave him a small smile.
“Thank you.” That’s all that I could say. I felt like such a fuck up and having this guy help me only made it worse. All I could do was glance down at my feet and hope this guy would take the hint and leave.
“Hey, do you want to come with me to grab a bite to eat? You look like you could use a meal and some more water?” Was this guy serious? I turned my head and tried to get another look at him because I realized that I didn’t get a good look before. Then I saw who he was.
My brother. He couldn’t be here. I started to panic and tried to get up, but my body hadn’t recovered from everything that it just went through.
“Go away. You can’t be here!” I fell to the ground but he’s right next to me in an instant.
“Calm down, Theo, I’m here to help. Let me help you, please.” No, no, no. This couldn’t be happening.
I tried to crawl away and I knew I must look like a fucking child crawling from their parent, but I didn’t care right now. Before I knew it, he was on top of me, holding me in place.
“You need to relax. I have been trying to find you for a long time now. I want to talk, that’s it. Please, just give me a few minutes.”
I froze because I didn’t have the strength to fight him anymore. Feeling myself come back to my body, I nodded at him.
“Fine. There’s a diner that we can go and talk at.”
I had a really bad feeling about this and wanted to take another pill before we went there, but I couldn’t in front of him. He grabbed my arm and helped me up. All I could do was stare at him because he looked different. He didn’t look like himself anymore, but he was my brother Simon, and I would know him anywhere.