Hot for a Vampire Slayer

V ampires don’t sleep.

It’s part of the whole curse thing—no rest, no quiet, no respite from our evil deeds. We are condemned to an eternity of staring at empty walls and reflecting on what we have done, all in the hope of atoning for our very existence. The possibilities for self-flagellation are endless.

But my white-hot take is that I’ve done nothing wrong, at least not since I began observing a strictly asshole-tarian diet. So I politely excused myself from the pity party and retooled that time for playing sudoku.

While my apartment does have a bedroom—mostly packed with clothes, books, and the equipment I have accumulated over years of taking up, and almost instantly quitting, all kinds of crafts—it doesn’t have a bed .