Chapter 6
“I remained too much inside my head and ended up losing my mind”
Brooks
A kitchen where I may learn how to drug someone
Brooks: Day eight of inviting you to smoke with me.
This motherfucker.
The audacity to keep ignoring me. Would he do this until the end of time?
Dean: Where?
Brooks:
Bet.
Fuck, it was happening.
I ordered him an Uber- the luxury kind to make a good impression. After sending him a screenshot, I bounced up and down on the couch.
Dean: Is this safe? Are you going to kidnap me and take me to an undisclosed location?
Brooks: Telling you would defeat the purpose, dumbass.
He could’ve driven himself, but I didn’t trust that he wouldn’t change his mind, so I made the decision for him. Besides, he knew that he could take me down, which answered the kidnapping question.
Brooks: Completely unrelated. How much do you weigh? These dosing guidelines are a bitch.
*****
Now A Pity Party of Two
My phone buzzed, showing the number connected to the call box. When someone hit my name, it connected it like a phone call.
“Yo, floor thirty-eight.”
After I hung up, I got to my feet. I had no idea what to do with myself. People didn’t really get invited to my apartment and if they did, it was someone that I was already friends with.
Fuck, I was nervous. I’d never put in effort to do this sort of thing. If I met someone and we vibed, we’d be friends. It was simple.
When I realized I hadn’t told him the apartment number, I darted to the door, not caring that I was wearing sweats and was barefoot. The elevator was on its way up and even though it might not be him, I leaned on the wall across from it and planted my bare foot on the surface behind me, then put my hands in my pockets.
Casual. I was being cool and casual.
The doors opened and Dean jumped a little when he saw me. His eyes went to my foot where there was the outline of a duck holding a knife in its beak.
“This kind of feels like a power pose,” he noted.
“So, you’ve finally accepted my offer.”
“You were annoying me,” he replied with a lazy shrug. “Plus, I’m broke and you’re offering free weed.”
I chuckled and bit the tip of my tongue. I saw his lips twitch, which was progress.
Squaring his shoulders, he raised a brow. “We chilling in the hallway?”
“Nah, man. That’d be weird as hell.”
I pushed off the wall, casual as ever, then led him to my door. Without looking back at him, I strode inside. There were no footsteps behind me for a second, but eventually, he came in. After he hung his sweatshirt on a hook and took off his shoes, he looked around the space. I followed his gaze at each point.
A sectional couch made the living room feel like its own space. There was a seventy-five inch TV on the wall. Huge, floor to ceiling windows adorned the far wall, which offered a spectacular view of most of the city.
To the left of the entryway was the kitchen. Black cabinets contrasted with white countertops in a way that was beautiful. The long island tied it all together with a bedroom on each side of it.
He ran his fingers over a bronze handle on one of the drawers while he nodded slowly.
“Welcome to the abode,” I said, throwing my arms wide and spinning in a circle. “Yeah, I know. It’s ridiculous, but I didn’t get much of a choice in where I lived.”
“Must be a hard life.”
“Not in the conventional way, no.”
“What’s that mean?”
“It means that I could complain about some things in my life, but I know that I have it better than most, so I don’t.”
He hummed thoughtfully as he brushed his hand over the counter.
“So, you’re the suffer in silence type.”
I shrugged. “Suffer is a bit dramatic. I prefer to meddle in other people’s issues.”
“Is that why you’re harassing me?”
“Sometimes, I just like a challenge.”
He paused and glanced up at me. “Getting me here was a game.”
I leaned my forearms on the island directly across from him. He put his hands on it, meeting my eyes without getting too close.
Was this a challenge? It was hard to explain to him. He was hot, but I wasn’t attracted to him. The vibes were off in that way. Somewhere deep down, he was chill, and I could see him being a no-nonsense friend. I kind of needed one of those.
“You’re a straightforward dude,” I said. “I’ll meet you where you’re at. Yeah, it’s fun and maybe you’d see it as a game. Really, I just like getting to know people. It’s like… collecting Pokémon cards. Variety is good and some of them are my go-tos, but I want to have a whole arsenal I can turn to.”
“Can we not talk in analogies?”
“Okay. I have close friends, casual friends, and acquaintances. If I feel like I’ll enjoy someone’s company, I like to find a way to put them in one of those categories. You seem cool, so I’m feeling you out.”
“Hm.”
I took a dab pen from my pocket and tossed it at him. It was a bit of a surprise when he actually caught it, but he was a football player, so maybe it was on instinct. He stared at it for a second before he brought it to his lips.
“Surprised this thing isn’t made of twenty-four karat gold,” he noted as he exhaled.
“I’m not that pretentious, buddy.”
“You got me a stupidly fancy ride. And look at this place.”
I smiled somewhat ruefully. “The ride was to impress you and convince you not to yeet me out of a window.”
“And the place?”
“Like I said, I didn’t pick it. I’d happily take a dorm, but this money,” I waved a hand around the space, “doesn’t belong to me, so I don’t get a say.”
There was something in his eyes after I finished talking. It was deeper than I’d seen from him. I didn’t expect him to understand the nuances of my issues. Nobody did, which was why I didn’t share things so personal.
“It helps that you’re gorgeous,” I added when the silence became awkward.
His nose wrinkled. I smirked when he looked at me again.
“Excuse me?”
“Gorgeous,” I repeated. “Good looking Pokémon never hurt anybody.”
“Are you…”
“No, I’m not hitting on you. I’m trying to stroke your ego.”
“I don’t have one.”
“Sure, you do. You’re just out of your element here and defensive. Lighten up, man. Hit that a few more times. Maybe I’ll order us some Thai food.”
“Alright,” he agreed hesitantly.
“Atta boy. Maybe we’ll manage to wipe that scowl off your face. You’ll get frown lines and that would just be a damn shame.
Dean tried to pass the pen back to me, but I shook my head. I’d smoked enough already, plus I had a few more around here somewhere.
“This shit’s good,” he said. “You know, they should let everyone smoke before class. I wouldn’t hate going so much.”
I chuckled. “Based.”
“So, what do your parents do?”
“Bitch, moan, and ask me about my grades.”
He pursed his lips, which I kind of hoped was his way of trying not to smile. He’d already done it once in the hallway.
“They’re attorneys,” I said. “In the corporate world.”
“Makes sense. Is that your goal?”
Biting my lip, I took a seat at the island and considered how to answer. The point of inviting Dean was to avoid real life. He didn’t give a shit about me or what made me tick. We were supposed to smoke and have surface-level conversation.
Eventually, I shrugged. He stared at me for another moment before he walked over to the windows.
“What about your parents?” I asked, spinning around on the stool to look at him.
“Mom is a nurse. Dad doesn’t work.”
“Why not?”
“Does that matter?”
“Objectively, no, but I don’t mind asking questions others would be too uncomfortable to ask.”
Surprisingly, he breathed a laugh. “Fair. My dad was injured in the army. He has a TBI.”
“Shit. Does the VA pay him?”
His eyes rolled a little. “Yeah, but they categorize him as sixty percent disabled and they live in New York, so it’s not enough. He should be at a hundred percent, but…” He shrugged.
“Man, that’s fucked. Why don’t they move somewhere less expensive?”
“Moving requires money. Not everyone has expendable income or savings, so they’re just stuck. One day…” He trailed off and shook his head.
I got to my feet and joined him by the window. “Go on.”
“One day, if I make enough money, I’m gonna buy them a house. Anywhere they want. And my mom will never have to work doubles again.”
My chest constricted at his words. This was one of the reasons why I didn’t let myself stew in my own perceived issues. They were nothing compared to what I’d just heard.
“You’re close with them,” I guessed.
He nodded. The way he blinked a few times made me want to reassure him, but even a vulnerable moment wouldn’t make that go over well.
“Why’d you come all the way out here for school?”
“I got a scholarship, but it’s not a full ride,” he replied. “I still have loans for about half of it. Sometimes, I think about just going home for school so I can be closer, but it wouldn’t save me any money since they live too far from the campus back home for me to stay with them, plus I wouldn’t have the scholarship to help.”
I jerked my chin toward the living room and he followed me to the couch. The way he plopped down made it clear he was more relaxed than when he’d arrived, which was cool. Hell, he was sharing personal information with me, so we’d either moved past the loathing stage or he’d just forgotten.
“I’m surprised you don’t live at the frat with the other guys.”
His nose wrinkled. “Nah. It’s more expensive than my dorm anyway, which is already ridiculous. They have a spare room they let me use whenever I feel like crashing there or when they have parties, but they’ll fill it eventually.”
“Living in that house sounds like a nightmare to me.”
“That’s because you have every option in the world.”
I licked my lips and brought my feet up on the couch. “True. You’ll tell me how privileged I am, but I sometimes wish I was in a dorm. This place is too much.”
He was silent and his brow was furrowed slightly. Yeah, he definitely thought I was a douchebag. Poor Brooks has to live in a fancy apartment instead of a tiny dorm. How sad .
“We can trade,” he joked.
His words helped dispel my morose thoughts. “Yeah, totally. When my parents come to visit, just act natural. They might not notice.”
“Pretty sure they’d take one look at me and know that my bank account is negative.”
My eyes widened. “Really?”
He looked sheepish. “Uh, no. Just messing around.”
That was a lie. Dean was obviously struggling. I’d seen that from the way he glared at his phone at the airport. A sixty-dollar Uber was enough to break him. He was also too proud to ask for help. Except from Tilian, for some reason.
His stomach growled and he shifted on the couch.
“Would it help if you didn’t have to pay for the dorm?” I asked.
“I mean, yeah. It’d free up some funds and help me cover my other expenses. Plus, I hate sharing a room with someone. It wouldn’t be worth getting an apartment, though. They’re too expensive around here.”
“Unless you had roommates.”
He shrugged his mouth thoughtfully. “I’ve brought it up before, but most of the guys on the team already have their shit figured out. And I’m locked into my dorm for the semester.”
“Kai and West only have to pay up until the school finds someone to take over their rooms. Since it’s the beginning of the semester, it was easy. Bet you could do that too.”
“Well, if you find anyone who needs a roommate, holler at me.” He chuckled before he hit the pen again. I almost laughed when he sunk deeper into the couch and stared up at the ceiling.
“I know a lot of people. Maybe I can help you find something.”
He shrugged. “It’s whatever, man.”
He didn’t know me well enough to realize that I’d do it anyway. It wasn’t like he had to move if he didn’t want to, but if he was into the possibility, why not?
“If your roommate in the dorm is ever driving you insane, I have a second room you can crash in.”
His eyes narrowed. “Why?”
“Because it came with a second bedroom.” His glare made me smile. “I’m just saying, it’s furnished, has a big walk-in shower and a jetted tub. It can be a little resort for you to unwind once in a while.”
Tipping his head back on the top of the couch, he laughed. “You know that’s a really weird thing to offer, right? You’re just weird all around.”
“I’m weird?” I repeated, faking offense.
“You gave a little old lady your seat, you don’t like this apartment, and it seems like you’re always playing a game.”
“Lorelai deserved that seat and I’d classify that as kind, not weird. The second one is less about the apartment and more about feeling trapped. It seems like I’m always playing a game because I am. Life is all about wins and losses.”
“Hm. Trapped how?”
“Let’s not settle on that one as a topic of discussion.”
“Maybe if we become friends,” he said, rolling his head along the back of the couch to look at me. His expression told me that he rejected the entire idea.
“Especially not if we become friends.”
Ignoring his questioning look, I pulled out my phone. After I picked what I wanted from my favorite Thai place, I tossed it to him.
“Get whatever. If I hear your stomach growl one more time, I’ll tie you up and force feed you anything I can find, edible or non-edible.”
He scrolled through and picked his food. While we waited, it was awkwardly quiet. Usually, I’d fill the silence, but he looked deep in thought.
“Are we gonna address the elephant in the room?” he asked suddenly.
“There are better insults than calling me fat.”
“You’re into Tilian. That’s part of why you’re trying to get on my good side.”
Failing to hold back a smile, I shrugged. “He’s scared of me.”
“Wonder why. You come on strong.”
“I’m not coming on to him. All I’ve done is talk to him.”
“He’s chill and you’re aggressive.”
Leaning back, I swiped my hands down my face and tried to stop laughing. “He’s adorable.”
“Brooks.” I looked at him and raised a brow. “Seriously, don’t break him. He’s quiet with new people and you don’t know him well, but he’s a really good person. Regardless of what happened with Sadie, I don’t really trust you and I’m gonna watch out for him.”
“Why don’t you trust me?”
He eyed me for a minute. “Because, despite how you present yourself, I think you’re a deeply selfish person. It’s too easy for people like that to prey on someone like Tilian. If he likes you, he’ll do way too much to make sure you’re happy.”
I tried to play off his statement, but it made me uncomfortable. It wasn’t offensive. I didn’t like that somehow, this muscled up football player who I thought was simple, was able to see me too well.
*****
The Unhappiest Place On Earth… Until Now
“Hey!”
I stopped and turned around. I wasn’t sure if the person was calling for me, but it’d be rude if they were and I kept walking.
Tilian jogged toward me, already looking embarrassed to exist. He needed someone to convince him that he was a gem who deserved love and recognition. Maybe he didn’t want that. He might prefer to be a pearl, hidden away inside of an oyster. I shuddered at the idea. Pearls were just icky secretions and tissue. It was gross to think about.
When he stopped in front of me, he looked uncertain. “Uh, hey.”
“You said that.”
“Oh, right. Um, so…”
Rolling my lips, I considered walking away. My mood was off today and I’d intended to go home to escape the world until tomorrow. Mondays suck enough as it is.
With a sigh, I latched onto his hand and threaded our fingers. He made a startled sound but followed as I continued walking toward the parking lot.
“W-what are you doing?” he asked.
“We’re going for a stroll while you work up the courage to talk to me.”
He looked like he was going to throw up, but after a minute, he gripped my hand. He still hadn’t gotten to the point of telling me what was on his mind, though.
We made our way through the lot and I broke into a grin when I saw Kai. I moved away from Tilian and walked over to where he was leaning against his car. He clasped my hand and pulled me into his chest.
“Hey, man. Headed home?”
I shrugged. “Maybe. Maybe not.”
“Ever the mysterious one.”
“What are you doing?”
The humor disappeared from his face. “Waiting for Sen. He ran back to the room to grab something. We’re headed to get a dash cam installed in my car.”
“Afraid of drunk drivers?”
“More like giant, problematic thieves. West stole my car again.”
I laughed and shook my head. “Crazy bastard.”
“Yup. If he manages to do it again, at least I’ll be able to find him. Or just have a record of what the fuck he’s doing.” His eyes traveled over my shoulder and narrowed. “Who’s this?”
“This is my pal, Tilian.” I grabbed his hand again and yanked him forward. He looked like he was going to die. “Tilian, this is Kai.”
“Yeah, I know who he is,” Tilian said quietly.
“Oh, cool. You’ve met?”
Kai’s head cocked. It wasn’t a friendly gesture. “He touched Sen on Halloween.”
I blinked, then looked at Tilian. “Really?”
“I was just being friendly,” he mumbled. “And I was a little… zooted.”
With a chuckle, I turned to Kai. “I’m sure he didn’t know your boo thing was off limits. You were still a secret back then.”
“Mhm.” Kai still didn’t seem keen on making Tilian feel comfortable.
“Well, catch you later. We have business.”
“Don’t forget about the game on Thursday.”
I threw up a peace sign, then dragged Tilian along. At this point, I was beginning to worry he’d have a panic attack because of some socialization. This might turn into one of those situations where the extrovert has to adopt the introvert and keep him from being a recluse.
When we reached my car, I pushed him up against it by his shoulders. He looked behind him, then at me.
“You drive this?”
“Damn right, I do.”
“Is this an E-Tron GT?”
I grinned and ran my hand over the metallic blue exterior. “A car guy. That’s cool. Like it?”
“Who wouldn’t?”
“Our friend, Dean, would probably think it’s pretentious.”
“I didn’t realize you were friends. I thought he hated you.” As soon as he said it, his eyes widened. I put a finger to his lips before he could start making excuses.
“We had beef, now things are okay, I think. Anyway, you wanted to talk to me. What’s up?”
He reached up to move my finger away from his mouth. I held onto his hand before he could pull away.
“Um, I just wanted to see if you had a group for the project in Mr. Pritchard’s class.”
“Nope. Haven’t thought about it yet. Wanna work together?”
“Sure.”
“Cool. We need two more. Maybe Dean and…” I tapped my fingers on the roof of the car. “That guy, Oliver, seems pretty okay. I can ask him.”
“Alright.”
Was it bad that I was enjoying his timid little mouse personality?
Flattening my free hand against the car, I watched his reaction to being boxed in. He was good at hiding his expressions when I was actually looking. Since he was leaning against the door, he was a few inches lower than his usual height. When he looked up at me through his lashes, I cocked my head.
“Are you scared of me?” I asked.
“No, you’re just… a lot.”
“And you’re just… a little.”
“Sorry.”
“Why are you apologizing, Tilian?”
It looked like he shivered. “Are you gay?”
I was a little shocked about the unexpected question, but I breathed a laugh.
“I’m bi, yeah. Well, I’m pan if we’re getting really specific, but the term freaks some people out. Why?”
“You’re very touchy.”
When I let go of his hand and took a step back, he relaxed a little. “Sorry. You give off these submissive vibes and it makes me want to rise to the occasion.”
“Jesus,” he muttered.
“So, this project. We can start it Thursday after the game. It’s my last day of the week.”
“Mine too. And Dean’s.”
“Perfect. A match made in heaven.”
He smiled awkwardly, then started to move past me.
“Wait,” I said. “I need your number.” When he turned, I handed him my phone. “Am I allowed to text you outside of school reasons?”
“Of course.”
“Sweet. See you Thursday, Tilian. You should sit with me at the game.”
His face brightened a little, then he walked away. Fucking adorable.