Chapter 12
“A wonderful fact to reflect upon, that every human creature is constituted to be that profound secret and mystery to every other.”
Brooks
Where I’m about to start becoming attached
I closed the door almost all the way, not wanting to shut us in entirely. Dean shamelessly wandered around my room, taking everything in from top to bottom.
One of the walls was made up of windows like in the main part of the apartment. There was another door that led into my bathroom, as well as my walk-in closet. My bed was in the center of the wall on the right side of the room with a nightstand on either side of it. The aesthetic matched the rest of the place, with a black bed frame and sheets.
Tired of waiting, I flicked him in the chest to draw his attention back to me. “Unless you’re here to make use of that bed, tell me what you wanted to talk about.”
His nose twitched like he wanted to scowl at me again or something. “I’ve been thinking a lot the past few days.”
“That’s cool.”
Rocking back on his heels, he glanced around the room. “So, you want to be friends, right?”
Stepping backward, I leaned against the wall and crossed my arms. “I’ve said as much.”
“Okay. Does it still apply?”
I hummed thoughtfully. “I’m not sure. You’ve run me in circles, hurt my feelings.”
“Dude.”
My stoic expression cracked, revealing my smile. “Yeah, I’m down to be friends. Is that what you’re trying to say here?”
It seemed like he really wanted to say no, which didn’t really make sense considering he brought this up.
“Spit it out,” I said. “It’s rude to leave Tilian alone out there, plus I know that he has a tendency to wander when he’s bored.”
“Damn,” he said, running his hand through his hair. “I still want to punch you in the face sometimes, but I’m trying to move past it all. It’s not exactly easy.”
“I’m sure it’s not. Let me ask you something. If you aren’t past it, why do you have any interest in being my friend?”
“Tilian.”
My lips thinned. I guess I was doing the same thing, but I liked it better when it was only me.
“He’s my friend,” he went on. “We don’t hang out all the time, but I’m busy with football during the season and he likes his alone time. I care about him, though, sort of like a brother, just not the ride or die kind. You guys are getting close and I don’t want things to be strained on any side. Plus, I do sometimes have a good time with you.”
“Such high praise. I feel cherished.”
“And this reminds me of what I don’t like about you.”
“Chill out,” I said with a sigh. “We’re on the tentative friend train and I refuse to be verbally abused in my own home.”
He snorted a laugh. “You’re an idiot. Since I might hang out with you and Tilian sometimes, any house rules I should know about?”
“Just the normal things, I guess.”
“So, don’t leave messes or eat all the food.”
“Leave messes. Actually, please do.”
His eyes widened a little. “You… Oh, you’re joking.” I shook my head. “I don’t get it. Why would you want messes?”
I shrugged and strode to the door. “Maybe it’ll be less dead and… I can’t do it.”
When I got to the living room, I flopped onto the couch beside Tilian, who was lying down, staring up at the ceiling. I wedged myself between him and the back cushions. It was impossible for us both to lay flat, so I turned onto my side and propped my elbow on the couch with my chin in my hand.
Tilian was still looking at the ceiling, almost expressionless.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
“I’m contemplating life.”
I tried not to laugh. “Contemplate in the shower. I can’t stand this moroseness. Dean’s supposed to be the grumpy one.”
“He’s only like that with you.”
I rose up higher and leveled him with a stern look. “Why are you grumpy with me?”
He took a hit from a pen- a really long one. How convenient. I threw a pillow at him, which he immediately threw back. It hit Tilian in the face and I gasped, curling myself over him protectively.
“You’re a monster, Dean. Why won’t you bless me with this alleged non-grumpy side?”
“Jesus,” he mumbled. “I’m not grumpy with you.”
“You kinda are,” Tilian said as he pushed me back a little.
My stoic pal shot him a glare. “Does everybody have to be cheery all the time?”
“Not at all,” I replied. “But you have to.”
“Why?”
“Gee, I don’t know. Maybe because you are with everyone else.”
“I’m regretting my decisions already,” Dean sighed.
“Chill. I’m just screwing with you. Seriously, you need to lighten up. If you get to know me, maybe it’ll be easier. Twenty questions.”
“No.”
I huffed, then looked down at Tilian. He seemed a little distant, but when he saw me staring, he smiled. It was tight and awkward, which made me frown.
“Twenty questions. You, me, and Dean. Cool?”
“I’m down.”
“Alright, I’ll go first. Tilian, what’s your middle name?”
“Oh, god. I hate you right now. It’s Abraham.”
I pursed my lips on a smile. “How biblical.”
“My dad’s a pastor.”
“Intriguing. I asked for one piece of information and got two. Three, actually, because that tells me you’re a giver.” I waggled my eyebrows, which made his cheeks redden.
“Uh, Dean,” he said.
Surprisingly, Dean gave him his full attention. There was even the hint of a smile on his face.
“If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?”
“Australia.”
I made a sound of disgust. Dean put a few fingers over his mouth as if smothering his laughter.
“Everything in Australia wants to kill you,” I informed him.
“I’ll just find a badass Australian woman to protect me.”
“While I love the annihilation of gender roles, your plan doesn’t sound foolproof. For one, who would want to date you?”
Finally, he let me see that amused smile. It turned him from, ‘Oorah, I’ll cut off your nuts,’ to, ‘Scary but actually a teddy bear.’
“Well,” he drawled. “We can compare dating histories if you’d like.”
“Your girlfriend cheated on you.”
Tilian was noticeably uncomfortable by my statement. I sat up and grabbed his arm to pull him with me, then moved my hand to his thigh and squeezed it reassuringly.
Dean sucked air through his teeth, then surprised me by chuckling. “Fair. I was gonna bring her to meet my family over winter break, so I guess it’s a good thing I learned who she was beforehand.”
“So, I did you a favor.”
“I wouldn’t go that far.” He tapped his fingers on the table rhythmically. “Got a crush on anyone, Brooks?”
I was a little shocked he’d asked me an actual question. “Crushes are for kids. If I like somebody, I’ll be all over them like cheese on macaroni.”
“Isn’t it like white on rice?” Tilian laughed.
“It’s whatever we want it to be. Rice is white on its own, but I can make mac as cheesy as I want it.”
“Natural rice isn’t white. They just remove layers of it.”
“Tilian, I’m gonna find a way to shut you up.”
“Okay, so do you like anybody?” Dean prompted.
“Why? You gonna be jealous?” I raised and lowered my brows, but when he looked less than amused, I tapped my fingers and thought about my answer. “There are people outside the door.”
“Is this some weird psychic ability? Is someone trying to enter our plane?”
“What I mean is that I’m not gonna let myself seriously like someone if I’m not looking for a relationship because, for all my casual aloofness, I have a feeling I’ll become sort of consumed by it if I’m really vibing with someone. If I become ready for that, there might be one or two I’d easily approach with the idea. But since I don’t want that, no. I don’t like anybody in that way.”
Tilian’s fingers brushed over mine on his leg. I was glad that I was wearing long sleeves so my goosebumps weren’t noticeable.
The way he’d grabbed my hand in the parking garage was more than a surprise. I didn’t mind physical touch, platonic or otherwise. Quite the opposite, really. He knew my current stance on relationships, so I was fine with him doing this. Considering how timid he often was, I didn’t think he’d do something bold if he wasn’t confident in the outcome.
“Sometimes it just happens,” Dean pointed out.
“Not to me.”
My parents taught me to cut ties with anyone who might put our reputation at risk- problematic partners or friends, professional relationships that soured, and the like. It’d done more than what they’d probably intended. I could drop someone from my life, then build a cement wall to lock out any feelings that might arise from their absence. It had become easy for me.
They called it prioritizing myself. Maybe it was. Or I might just be a bad person, but it wasn’t like I did it often except in situations like I found myself in with Sadie. It was also possible nobody had really felt worth sticking around for, through thick and thin.
“Have you ever been with a guy, Dean?” I asked.
“No, I’m straight.”
“How straight?”
“Straight as a board.”
“Add some water damage and that shit’ll get wavy.”
He laughed loudly, then shoved my shoulder. I barely managed to avoid knocking Tilian over.
“Easy there, Hulk,” Tilian chided lightly. “Let’s not make me collateral damage just because you hate Brooks.”
“He does not hate me. In fact, I think he’s a fan, but he’s too bullheaded to admit it.”
“You’re a menace,” he countered.
“I think you’re mistaking me for my other friends.”
“No wonder you get along so well.”
“Don’t be fooled. It’s because we’re all beautiful.”
He was still shaking his head when I turned on the TV. I got up to grab some controllers, then tossed them to the guys.
“My car’s getting work done Monday,” I said, looking at Dean. “Wanna give me a ride back home?”
His eyes shifted from me to the TV, then back. “I can’t.”
“Why?”
“Battery.”
“Oh, so riding with Rick wasn’t about the planet. Guess I’ll take an Uber.”
“I can give you a ride,” Tilian offered.
“Even better. You’re prettier to look at than Dean.”
His eyes lit up. “Cool. Just don’t catch feelings, no matter how romantic I’m being.”
“I love you like this. You’re such a little devil.”